Original message (2399 Views )
| sabo10 1368th Post
 
Red Carpet Executive Member
   
    
    
    
|  "Help! Seeking advice" , posted Wed 6 Dec 09:58
Hello there, You can all call me MoMuMan. I have been a lurker of this message board for over 2 years.
I do not want to type so much becuase I know you all do not have the time so I will try to quickly state my problem, as I know many of you have so much experince dealing with Japanese women, and relationships in general.
I have had a relationship with a beatiful and smart J-girl since June 2002, as we met as penpals through the internet in highschool. We are the same age, and we were both virgins at the time. My intentions for her were pure and I wanted a real friendship. We stayed in close contact and became close freinds that grew to trust each other. She always told me it was her dream to come to America to learn and experince different people and cultures. low and behold 2 years later after we met she is able to come to English school in LA, which gave us a chance to met for the first time. She admited ehr feelings for me, which I also felt, but had hidden. After I flew to LA(with my mother), we instantly fell in love and we became a real couple after that. After our few days together, we relized that we were in love and she vowled to return back to America for college and a career and for me.
Almost another year passes and after 100 of phone cards and 1000s of hours of talking on the phone EVERYDAY we are STILL a close couple. Everyday she tells me that she really loves me and we talk about out dream together to open a studio someday. We want to get married after we once again met each other after a VERY passionate 2 weeks(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex). We both promised each other all our trust, all our love, all our loyality as we both believe we both truely love each other and have a real future together. She now grew to relieze her dream in the fashion industry could be reliezed as things began to work in our favor and her family got money and she passed her tofel test(after 3 tries).
This last June, our dream is relized as she begins fashion school in LA and is quickly happamered with school work and such. We do not have much time to talk on the phone as she is busy mantianing her postion as top of the class(as myself also). This is understandable, as I know how busy school is. We visit each other yet again for another passionate week 11 weeks later.
This last quater, I began to notice something strange, as she was not longer telling me "I love you" any more to me and was only talking about school work and what her friends were doing. She refused to talk abotu "us" or me, or anything romatnic in general. Naturally I questioned her as why she was acting this way. She told me that having a boyfriend destracts her from her work mentality and she cant focus. This i can understand as well. But I asked her this question.. "If someone ask you if you have a boyfriend, what will you say?". she told me, "I will say that I do not.". I was shocked! She then told me she wanted to be only friends. I tried to understand, as I thought I was too much pressure on her, so I said.. "ok, but promise me that you will come back to me..". she told me that she could not promise me anything! How could she say that?! I even promised not to call her until she was workfree, and not to annoy her, but she still refused to promise me that will have a romatic relationship in the future after she was done working. She did not even want me as a boyfriend in name!
Maybe this sounds selfish, but after almost 5 years of her promising her real love to me, her loyality, her heart, and a future together, NOW she not can not promise me anything?!? I know she has such a strong will and I will not stand in front of her dream, but she then tells me that she is so selfish and that I should find another girlfriend as she is not the right girl for for me and I will have a sad life with her. How could she say this to me after all I have done for her? Since the begining, I have helped her fight her way to America.
For 3 years I would wake up every night at 3-5 am just to talk to her for 3-4 hours even when I was in the middle of a project EVERYDAY. I would send her helpful tools for her tofel test, I would study with her by phone, I would coach her when her confidence was low, and truely believed and supported everything she did. She told me I was the only one that coudl understand her, and i also felt she was the only one that coudl understand me. She told me she trusted me more then her own family, as I did to her. She told me she never loved anyone as deep as me, as I did to her. We both lived without sex(real) for all this time, but we stayed loyal to each other no matter what as we truely believed in each other.
And now, she simply says... "sorry". I asked her when was the last time she even felt romatnic or "naughty" and she tells me she cant remember. I asked her if there was someone else in her life(a guy) and she says "no". But now she cant promise me that she wont fall in love with another man in the future and she says that if we truely love each other, she will simply leave it up to disteny.
We had planned all along that as soon as we graduated college, that I will move to LA and we will begin our lives together as we have hoped and dreamed for 5 years. Now she tells me not to move to LA at all, and onyl move to LA for my own career and not for her. Of course I did not take to this news from her at all well and I broke down on the phoen with her as I NEVER heard her say such things before to me.
I felt so betrayed and so hurt. She started to tell me things like she has felt jealous of me and that all this time she was trying so hard to beat me and to become better then me! This was the reason she would tell me of her achivments; to shich I would ALWAYS tell her I was so proud of her. Then she tells me that i am not proud of her at all(which is a LIE!) and that she has always felt so stupid compared to me becuase I was always right and she was always wrong about everything. She told me that she reliezed that I make her lazy, becuase she explained that since I help her, I made her lazy(which is NOT true because she has done so much where it was impossible for me to help her!) Things esscalated into a near argument and of course I freaked out and said some demeaning stuff to her as I was very emotional until she told me "I do not think I can talk to you anymore" so cold, calm and with no emotion at all. I then asked her "do you still love me?", and she said in the calmist voice..."..no". before she hung up the phone on me, she told me do not call her back.
I am completely heartbroken.
After all I have done for her. After all we have been through together to get her to this point. After meeting my parents and my parents excepting her. My mom loves her so much, and I was always so proud of her, I really am. After all the loyality and hardships we both endured. All the support I gave her and the dreams we dream together. After all the sex i ONLY gave her, after everything I have only done for her... After years of demanding more love and passion to her, After the real love I gave her.
She does this to me? I am sorry this was a long read(to those of you that read it), but compared to the long version, this story is a 15th as long as the real story that is about 20 times more complicated. But what do I do? She mentioned that for me to just give her time, but the thing was she could not tell me how long, so I was scared. I did not want to except the "lets be friends thing" as i know girls use this as a way to indirectly break-up(?) so I kept trying to change her mind(which I failed). I am just in shock and have not eatened anything in 3 days. I have not drank anything for 2 days. I have not left my bed for 3 days. I am completly destroyed right now.
I had put every hope and dream on that girl, my entire future(as she told me had too). together we had already planned our future together, a dream. EVERYTHING was going ok! The hardest part of our dream was over(she has a 6 year visa for America so she has lefted Japan). I only had 6 MONTHS until i could move to LA. Everything was just a matter of carring out our dream. ..Now... It's over?
Just like that? Our dream, the one she made me invest my entire self in, The serious relationship that i had invested all my engery in for 5 years?
In just 5 hours, my world completely collapsed . Overnight our relationship seems to no longer exist. HOW? WHY? was every promise by her false? Was every "I love only you" from her a lie? Was everything for nothing?! What did I do wrong? Was everything my fault? Was I not listening to her? Did she really hate me all this time? Am I too selfish?
Now I find myself lost without her without warning, I find myself without a future that had always been so clear and certain. I find myself with no light at the end of the tunnel. I find myself betrayed. I hate her so much, but I can not hate her, because my love for her is too strong. Everything I beleive in has failed. Everything I was fighting for and working so hard for has no meaning.
Help me, what do I do? Do I wait for her to contact me again? Do I drive to LA and confrotn her face to face? Do I tell her i will revenge her? Do I write her a sorry letter begging her to become friends again? Do I simply try to find another warm body to comfort me(It is impossible to just "forget her, and move on at this point"? Or do I more simply just kill myself?
Please, I need all your help, I will read every coment and take everything seriously to heart. thank you, I am sorry if I have caused your day to become depressing or cause trouble for you any in way.
|
|
Replies: |
| Digitalboy 373th Post
Silver Customer
|  "Re(1):Help! Seeking advice" , posted Wed 6 Dec 10:39
Spoiler (Highlight to view) -
MoMuMan = Sabo10!
End of Spoiler
quote:
Hello there, You can all call me MoMuMan. I have been a lurker of this message board for over 2 years.
I do not want to type so much becuase I know you all do not have the time so I will try to quickly state my problem, as I know many of you have so much experince dealing with Japanese women, and relationships in general.
I have had a relationship with a beatiful and smart J-girl since June 2002, as we met as penpals through the internet in highschool. We are the same age, and we were both virgins at the time. My intentions for her were pure and I wanted a real friendship. We stayed in close contact and became close freinds that grew to trust each other. She always told me it was her dream to come to America to learn and experince different people and cultures. low and behold 2 years later after we met she is able to come to English school in LA, which gave us a chance to met for the first time. She admited ehr feelings for me, which I also felt, but had hidden. After I flew to LA(with my mother), we instantly fell in love and we became a real couple after that. After our few days together, we relized that we were in love and she vowled to return back to America for college and a career and for me.
Almost another year passes and after 100 of phone cards and 1000s of hours of talking on the phone EVERYDAY we are STILL a close couple. Everyday she tells me that she really loves me and we talk about out dream together to open a studio someday. We want to get married after we once again met each other after a VERY passionate 2 weeks(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex). We both promised each other all our trust, all our love, all our loyality as we both believe we both truely love each other and have a real future together. She now grew to relieze her dream in the fashion industry could be reliezed as things began to work in our favor and her family got money and she passed her tofel test(after 3 tries).
This last June, our dream is relized as she begins fashion school in LA and is quickly happamered with school work and such. We do not have much time to talk on the phone as she is busy mantianing her postion as top of the class(as myself also). This is understandable, as I know how busy school is. We visit each other yet again for another passionate week 11 weeks later.
This last quater, I began to notice something strange, as she was not longer telling me "I love you" any more to me and was only talking about school work and what her friends were doing. She refused to talk abotu "us" or me, or anything romatnic in general. Naturally I questioned her as why she was acting this way. She told me that having a boyfriend destracts her from her work mentality and she cant focus. This i can understand as well. But I asked her this question.. "If someone ask you if you have a boyfriend, what will you say?". she told me, "I will say that I do not.". I was shocked! She then told me she wanted to be only friends. I tried to understand, as I thought I was too much pressure on her, so I said.. "ok, but promise me that you will come back to me..". she told me that she could not promise me anything! How could she say that?! I even promised not to call her until she was workfree, and not to annoy her, but she still refused to promise me that will have a romatic relationship in the future after she was done working. She did not even want me as a boyfriend in name!
Maybe this sounds selfish, but after almost 5 years of her promising her real love to me, her loyality, her heart, and a future together, NOW she not can not promise me anything?!? I know she has such a strong will and I will not stand in front of her dream, but she then tells me that she is so selfish and that I should find another girlfriend as she is not the right girl for for me and I will have a sad life with her. How could she say this to me after all I have done for her? Since the begining, I have helped her fight her way to America.
For 3 years I would wake up every night at 3-5 am just to talk to her for 3-4 hours even when I was in the middle of a project EVERYDAY. I would send her helpful tools for her tofel test, I would study with her by phone, I would coach her when her confidence was low, and truely believed and supported everything she did. She told me I was the only one that coudl understand her, and i also felt she was the only one that coudl understand me. She told me she trusted me more then her own family, as I did to her. She told me she never loved anyone as deep as me, as I did to her. We both lived without sex(real) for all this time, but we stayed loyal to each other no matter what as we truely believed in each other.
And now, she simply says... "sorry". I asked her when was the last time she even felt romatnic or "naughty" and she tells me she cant remember. I asked her if there was someone else in her life(a guy) and she says "no". But now she cant promise me that she wont fall in love with another man in the future and she says that if we truely love each other, she will simply leave it up to disteny.
We had planned all along that as soon as we graduated college, that I will move to LA and we will begin our lives together as we have hoped and dreamed for 5 years. Now she tells me not to move to LA at all, and onyl move to LA for my own career and not for her. Of course I did not take to this news from her at all well and I broke down on the phoen with her as I NEVER heard her say such things before to me.
I felt so betrayed and so hurt. She started to tell me things like she has felt jealous of me and that all this time she was trying so hard to beat me and to become better then me! This was the reason she would tell me of her achivments; to shich I would ALWAYS tell her I was so proud of her. Then she tells me that i am not proud of her at all(which is a LIE!) and that she has always felt so stupid compared to me becuase I was always right and she was always wrong about everything. She told me that she reliezed that I make her lazy, becuase she explained that since I help her, I made her lazy(which is NOT true because she has done so much where it was impossible for me to help her!) Things esscalated into a near argument and of course I freaked out and said some demeaning stuff to her as I was very emotional until she told me "I do not think I can talk to you anymore" so cold, calm and with no emotion at all. I then asked her "do you still love me?", and she said in the calmist voice..."..no". before she hung up the phone on me, she told me do not call her back.
I am completely heartbroken.
After all I have done for her. After all we have been through together to get her to this point. After meeting my parents and my parents excepting her. My mom loves her so much, and I was always so proud of her, I really am. After all the loyality and hardships we both endured. All the support I gave her and the dreams we dream together. After all the sex i ONLY gave her, after everything I have only done for her... After years of demanding more love and passion to her, After the real love I gave her.
She does this to me? I am sorry this was a long read(to those of you that read it), but compared to the long version, this story is a 15th as long as the real story that is about 20 times more complicated. But what do I do? She mentioned that for me to just give her time, but the thing was she could not tell me how long, so I was scared. I did not want to except the "lets be friends thing" as i know girls use this as a way to indirectly break-up(?) so I kept trying to change her mind(which I failed). I am just in shock and have not eatened anything in 3 days. I have not drank anything for 2 days. I have not left my bed for 3 days. I am completly destroyed right now.
I had put every hope and dream on that girl, my entire future(as she told me had too). together we had already planned our future together, a dream. EVERYTHING was going ok! The hardest part of our dream was over(she has a 6 year visa for America so she has lefted Japan). I only had 6 MONTHS until i could move to LA. Everything was just a matter of carring out our dream. ..Now... It's over?
Just like that? Our dream, the one she made me invest my entire self in, The serious relationship that i had invested all my engery in for 5 years?
In just 5 hours, my world completely collapsed . Overnight our relationship seems to no longer exist. HOW? WHY? was every promise by her false? Was every "I love only you" from her a lie? Was everything for nothing?! What did I do wrong? Was everything my fault? Was I not listening to her? Did she really hate me all this time? Am I too selfish?
Now I find myself lost without her without warning, I find myself without a future that had always been so clear and certain. I find myself with no light at the end of the tunnel. I find myself betrayed. I hate her so much, but I can not hate her, because my love for her is too strong. Everything I beleive in has failed. Everything I was fighting for and working so hard for has no meaning.
Help me, what do I do? Do I wait for her to contact me again? Do I drive to LA and confrotn her face to face? Do I tell her i will revenge her? Do I write her a sorry letter begging her to become friends again? Do I simply try to find another warm body to comfort me(It is impossible to just "forget her, and move on at this point"? Or do I more simply just kill myself?
Please, I need all your help, I will read every coment and take everything seriously to heart. thank you, I am sorry if I have caused your day to become depressing or cause trouble for you any in way.
I don't know how to live
But I've got alot of toys...
|
| Maou 944th Post
Red Carpet Regular Member++
| "Re(1):Help! Seeking advice" , posted Wed 6 Dec 10:51
quote:
Hello there, You can all call me MoMuMan. I have been a lurker of this message board for over 2 years.
I do not want to type so much becuase I know you all do not have the time so I will try to quickly state my problem, as I know many of you have so much experince dealing with Japanese women, and relationships in general.
I have had a relationship with a beatiful and smart J-girl since June 2002, as we met as penpals through the internet in highschool. We are the same age, and we were both virgins at the time. My intentions for her were pure and I wanted a real friendship. We stayed in close contact and became close freinds that grew to trust each other. She always told me it was her dream to come to America to learn and experince different people and cultures. low and behold 2 years later after we met she is able to come to English school in LA, which gave us a chance to met for the first time. She admited ehr feelings for me, which I also felt, but had hidden. After I flew to LA(with my mother), we instantly fell in love and we became a real couple after that. After our few days together, we relized that we were in love and she vowled to return back to America for college and a career and for me.
Almost another year passes and after 100 of phone cards and 1000s of hours of talking on the phone EVERYDAY we are STILL a close couple. Everyday she tells me that she really loves me and we talk about out dream together to open a studio someday. We want to get married after we once again met each other after a VERY passionate 2 weeks(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex). We both promised each other all our trust, all our love, all our loyality as we both believe we both truely love each other and have a real future together. She now grew to relieze her dream in the fashion industry could be reliezed as things began to work in our favor and her family got money and she passed her tofel test(after 3 tries).
This last June, our dream is relized as she begins fashion school in LA and is quickly happamered with school work and such. We do not have much time to talk on the phone as she is busy mantianing her postion as top of the class(as myself also). This is understandable, as I know how busy school is. We visit each other yet again for another passionate week 11 weeks later.
This last quater, I began to notice something strange, as she was not longer telling me "I love you" any more to me and was only talking about school work and what her friends were doing. She refused to talk abotu "us" or me, or anything romatnic in general. Naturally I questioned her as why she was acting this way. She told me that having a boyfriend destracts her from her work mentality and she cant focus. This i can understand as well. But I asked her this question.. "If someone ask you if you have a boyfriend, what will you say?". she told me, "I will say that I do not.". I was shocked! She then told me she wanted to be only friends. I tried to understand, as I thought I was too much pressure on her, so I said.. "ok, but promise me that you will come back to me..". she told me that she could not promise me anything! How could she say that?! I even promised not to call her until she was workfree, and not to annoy her, but she still refused to promise me that will have a romatic relationship in the future after she was done working. She did not even want me as a boyfriend in name!
Maybe this sounds selfish, but after almost 5 years of her promising her real love to me, her loyality, her heart, and a future together, NOW she not can not promise me anything?!? I know she has such a strong will and I will not stand in front of her dream, but she then tells me that she is so selfish and that I should find another girlfriend as she is not the right girl for for me and I will have a sad life with her. How could she say this to me after all I have done for her? Since the begining, I have helped her fight her way to America.
For 3 years I would wake up every night at 3-5 am just to talk to her for 3-4 hours even when I was in the middle of a project EVERYDAY. I would send her helpful tools for her tofel test, I would study with her by phone, I would coach her when her confidence was low, and truely believed and supported everything she did. She told me I was the only one that coudl understand her, and i also felt she was the only one that coudl understand me. She told me she trusted me more then her own family, as I did to her. She told me she never loved anyone as deep as me, as I did to her. We both lived without sex(real) for all this time, but we stayed loyal to each other no matter what as we truely believed in each other.
And now, she simply says... "sorry". I asked her when was the last time she even felt romatnic or "naughty" and she tells me she cant remember. I asked her if there was someone else in her life(a guy) and she says "no". But now she cant promise me that she wont fall in love with another man in the future and she says that if we truely love each other, she will simply leave it up to disteny.
We had planned all along that as soon as we graduated college, that I will move to LA and we will begin our lives together as we have hoped and dreamed for 5 years. Now she tells me not to move to LA at all, and onyl move to LA for my own career and not for her. Of course I did not take to this news from her at all well and I broke down on the phoen with her as I NEVER heard her say such things before to me.
I felt so betrayed and so hurt. She started to tell me things like she has felt jealous of me and that all this time she was trying so hard to beat me and to become better then me! This was the reason she would tell me of her achivments; to shich I would ALWAYS tell her I was so proud of her. Then she tells me that i am not proud of her at all(which is a LIE!) and that she has always felt so stupid compared to me becuase I was always right and she was always wrong about everything. She told me that she reliezed that I make her lazy, becuase she explained that since I help her, I made her lazy(which is NOT true because she has done so much where it was impossible for me to help her!) Things esscalated into a near argument and of course I freaked out and said some demeaning stuff to her as I was very emotional until she told me "I do not think I can talk to you anymore" so cold, calm and with no emotion at all. I then asked her "do you still love me?", and she said in the calmist voice..."..no". before she hung up the phone on me, she told me do not call her back.
I am completely heartbroken.
After all I have done for her. After all we have been through together to get her to this point. After meeting my parents and my parents excepting her. My mom loves her so much, and I was always so proud of her, I really am. After all the loyality and hardships we both endured. All the support I gave her and the dreams we dream together. After all the sex i ONLY gave her, after everything I have only done for her... After years of demanding more love and passion to her, After the real love I gave her.
She does this to me? I am sorry this was a long read(to those of you that read it), but compared to the long version, this story is a 15th as long as the real story that is about 20 times more complicated. But what do I do? She mentioned that for me to just give her time, but the thing was she could not tell me how long, so I was scared. I did not want to except the "lets be friends thing" as i know girls use this as a way to indirectly break-up(?) so I kept trying to change her mind(which I failed). I am just in shock and have not eatened anything in 3 days. I have not drank anything for 2 days. I have not left my bed for 3 days. I am completly destroyed right now.
I had put every hope and dream on that girl, my entire future(as she told me had too). together we had already planned our future together, a dream. EVERYTHING was going ok! The hardest part of our dream was over(she has a 6 year visa for America so she has lefted Japan). I only had 6 MONTHS until i could move to LA. Everything was just a matter of carring out our dream. ..Now... It's over?
Just like that? Our dream, the one she made me invest my entire self in, The serious relationship that i had invested all my engery in for 5 years?
In just 5 hours, my world completely collapsed . Overnight our relationship seems to no longer exist. HOW? WHY? was every promise by her false? Was every "I love only you" from her a lie? Was everything for nothing?! What did I do wrong? Was everything my fault? Was I not listening to her? Did she really hate me all this time? Am I too selfish?
Now I find myself lost without her without warning, I find myself without a future that had always been so clear and certain. I find myself with no light at the end of the tunnel. I find myself betrayed. I hate her so much, but I can not hate her, because my love for her is too strong. Everything I beleive in has failed. Everything I was fighting for and working so hard for has no meaning.
Help me, what do I do? Do I wait for her to contact me again? Do I drive to LA and confrotn her face to face? Do I tell her i will revenge her? Do I write her a sorry letter begging her to become friends again? Do I simply try to find another warm body to comfort me(It is impossible to just "forget her, and move on at this point"? Or do I more simply just kill myself?
Please, I need all your help, I will read every coment and take everything seriously to heart. thank you, I am sorry if I have caused your day to become depressing or cause trouble for you any in way.
nice
人間はいつも私を驚かせてくれる。不思議なものだな、人間という存在は．．．
|
| CharlesProphony
36th Post
Rare Customer
| "Re(1):Help! Seeking advice" , posted Wed 6 Dec 11:07
In my case, I'm trying to have a relationship with a shorter distance, but it's still 1200km... and at that moment, I'm questioning the relation with the person...
It's already 6 months since we started talking, with the "passion at 1st sight" thing in the beginning... but now, with some troubles told by him about not being able to come here or about little time to dedicate to me if I go there... and the mind comes to play some dirty tricks... "maybe he already have someone and is trying to hide", "eventually he made up his mind about how you aren't his type, but he is afraid to say this to you", etc... I hope nothing of this is true, but, who knows? And to make another twist in the story, we haven't meet each other yet, and we can take the travel by bus in something like 12hrs... In short terms: there's no difficulties.
Compared to you, I'm just starting this journey, but it's like it took a shortcut in some parts...
well, maybe it's just another sad story, but if it takes a happier ending... maybe the hopes of others can be refreshed...
|
| Digitalboy 374th Post
Silver Customer
| "Re(2):Help! Seeking advice" , posted Wed 6 Dec 11:11
Update!
Frankencow is MoMuMan who is Sabo10!
quote:
Hello there, You can all call me MoMuMan. I have been a lurker of this message board for over 2 years.
I do not want to type so much becuase I know you all do not have the time so I will try to quickly state my problem, as I know many of you have so much experince dealing with Japanese women, and relationships in general.
I have had a relationship with a beatiful and smart J-girl since June 2002, as we met as penpals through the internet in highschool. We are the same age, and we were both virgins at the time. My intentions for her were pure and I wanted a real friendship. We stayed in close contact and became close freinds that grew to trust each other. She always told me it was her dream to come to America to learn and experince different people and cultures. low and behold 2 years later after we met she is able to come to English school in LA, which gave us a chance to met for the first time. She admited ehr feelings for me, which I also felt, but had hidden. After I flew to LA(with my mother), we instantly fell in love and we became a real couple after that. After our few days together, we relized that we were in love and she vowled to return back to America for college and a career and for me.
Almost another year passes and after 100 of phone cards and 1000s of hours of talking on the phone EVERYDAY we are STILL a close couple. Everyday she tells me that she really loves me and we talk about out dream together to open a studio someday. We want to get married after we once again met each other after a VERY passionate 2 weeks(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex). We both promised each other all our trust, all our love, all our loyality as we both believe we both truely love each other and have a real future together. She now grew to relieze her dream in the fashion industry could be reliezed as things began to work in our favor and her family got money and she passed her tofel test(after 3 tries).
This last June, our dream is relized as she begins fashion school in LA and is quickly happamered with school work and such. We do not have much time to talk on the phone as she is busy mantianing her postion as top of the class(as myself also). This is understandable, as I know how busy school is. We visit each other yet again for another passionate week 11 weeks later.
This last quater, I began to notice something strange, as she was not longer telling me "I love you" any more to me and was only talking about school work and what her friends were doing. She refused to talk abotu "us" or me, or anything romatnic in general. Naturally I questioned her as why she was acting this way. She told me that having a boyfriend destracts her from her work mentality and she cant focus. This i can understand as well. But I asked her this question.. "If someone ask you if you have a boyfriend, what will you say?". she told me, "I will say that I do not.". I was shocked! She then told me she wanted to be only friends. I tried to understand, as I thought I was too much pressure on her, so I said.. "ok, but promise me that you will come back to me..". she told me that she could not promise me anything! How could she say that?! I even promised not to call her until she was workfree, and not to annoy her, but she still refused to promise me that will have a romatic relationship in the future after she was done working. She did not even want me as a boyfriend in name!
Maybe this sounds selfish, but after almost 5 years of her promising her real love to me, her loyality, her heart, and a future together, NOW she not can not promise me anything?!? I know she has such a strong will and I will not stand in front of her dream, but she then tells me that she is so selfish and that I should find another girlfriend as she is not the right girl for for me and I will have a sad life with her. How could she say this to me after all I have done for her? Since the begining, I have helped her fight her way to America.
For 3 years I would wake up every night at 3-5 am just to talk to her for 3-4 hours even when I was in the middle of a project EVERYDAY. I would send her helpful tools for her tofel test, I would study with her by phone, I would coach her when her confidence was low, and truely believed and supported everything she did. She told me I was the only one that coudl understand her, and i also felt she was the only one that coudl understand me. She told me she trusted me more then her own family, as I did to her. She told me she never loved anyone as deep as me, as I did to her. We both lived without sex(real) for all this time, but we stayed loyal to each other no matter what as we truely believed in each other.
And now, she simply says... "sorry". I asked her when was the last time she even felt romatnic or "naughty" and she tells me she cant remember. I asked her if there was someone else in her life(a guy) and she says "no". But now she cant promise me that she wont fall in love with another man in the future and she says that if we truely love each other, she will simply leave it up to disteny.
We had planned all along that as soon as we graduated college, that I will move to LA and we will begin our lives together as we have hoped and dreamed for 5 years. Now she tells me not to move to LA at all, and onyl move to LA for my own career and not for her. Of course I did not take to this news from her at all well and I broke down on the phoen with her as I NEVER heard her say such things before to me.
I felt so betrayed and so hurt. She started to tell me things like she has felt jealous of me and that all this time she was trying so hard to beat me and to become better then me! This was the reason she would tell me of her achivments; to shich I would ALWAYS tell her I was so proud of her. Then she tells me that i am not proud of her at all(which is a LIE!) and that she has always felt so stupid compared to me becuase I was always right and she was always wrong about everything. She told me that she reliezed that I make her lazy, becuase she explained that since I help her, I made her lazy(which is NOT true because she has done so much where it was impossible for me to help her!) Things esscalated into a near argument and of course I freaked out and said some demeaning stuff to her as I was very emotional until she told me "I do not think I can talk to you anymore" so cold, calm and with no emotion at all. I then asked her "do you still love me?", and she said in the calmist voice..."..no". before she hung up the phone on me, she told me do not call her back.
I am completely heartbroken.
After all I have done for her. After all we have been through together to get her to this point. After meeting my parents and my parents excepting her. My mom loves her so much, and I was always so proud of her, I really am. After all the loyality and hardships we both endured. All the support I gave her and the dreams we dream together. After all the sex i ONLY gave her, after everything I have only done for her... After years of demanding more love and passion to her, After the real love I gave her.
She does this to me? I am sorry this was a long read(to those of you that read it), but compared to the long version, this story is a 15th as long as the real story that is about 20 times more complicated. But what do I do? She mentioned that for me to just give her time, but the thing was she could not tell me how long, so I was scared. I did not want to except the "lets be friends thing" as i know girls use this as a way to indirectly break-up(?) so I kept trying to change her mind(which I failed). I am just in shock and have not eatened anything in 3 days. I have not drank anything for 2 days. I have not left my bed for 3 days. I am completly destroyed right now.
I had put every hope and dream on that girl, my entire future(as she told me had too). together we had already planned our future together, a dream. EVERYTHING was going ok! The hardest part of our dream was over(she has a 6 year visa for America so she has lefted Japan). I only had 6 MONTHS until i could move to LA. Everything was just a matter of carring out our dream. ..Now... It's over?
Just like that? Our dream, the one she made me invest my entire self in, The serious relationship that i had invested all my engery in for 5 years?
In just 5 hours, my world completely collapsed . Overnight our relationship seems to no longer exist. HOW? WHY? was every promise by her false? Was every "I love only you" from her a lie? Was everything for nothing?! What did I do wrong? Was everything my fault? Was I not listening to her? Did she really hate me all this time? Am I too selfish?
Now I find myself lost without her without warning, I find myself without a future that had always been so clear and certain. I find myself with no light at the end of the tunnel. I find myself betrayed. I hate her so much, but I can not hate her, because my love for her is too strong. Everything I beleive in has failed. Everything I was fighting for and working so hard for has no meaning.
Help me, what do I do? Do I wait for her to contact me again? Do I drive to LA and confrotn her face to face? Do I tell her i will revenge her? Do I write her a sorry letter begging her to become friends again? Do I simply try to find another warm body to comfort me(It is impossible to just "forget her, and move on at this point"? Or do I more simply just kill myself?
Please, I need all your help, I will read every coment and take everything seriously to heart. thank you, I am sorry if I have caused your day to become depressing or cause trouble for you any in way.
nice
I don't know how to live
But I've got alot of toys...
|
| Alex_moss_kidd
19th Post
New Customer
|  "Re(1):Help! Seeking advice" , posted Wed 6 Dec 19:32
quote:
Hello there, You can all call me MoMuMan. I have been a lurker of this message board for over 2 years.
I do not want to type so much becuase I know you all do not have the time so I will try to quickly state my problem, as I know many of you have so much experince dealing with Japanese women, and relationships in general.
I have had a relationship with a beatiful and smart J-girl since June 2002, as we met as penpals through the internet in highschool. We are the same age, and we were both virgins at the time. My intentions for her were pure and I wanted a real friendship. We stayed in close contact and became close freinds that grew to trust each other. She always told me it was her dream to come to America to learn and experince different people and cultures. low and behold 2 years later after we met she is able to come to English school in LA, which gave us a chance to met for the first time. She admited ehr feelings for me, which I also felt, but had hidden. After I flew to LA(with my mother), we instantly fell in love and we became a real couple after that. After our few days together, we relized that we were in love and she vowled to return back to America for college and a career and for me.
Almost another year passes and after 100 of phone cards and 1000s of hours of talking on the phone EVERYDAY we are STILL a close couple. Everyday she tells me that she really loves me and we talk about out dream together to open a studio someday. We want to get married after we once again met each other after a VERY passionate 2 weeks(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex). We both promised each other all our trust, all our love, all our loyality as we both believe we both truely love each other and have a real future together. She now grew to relieze her dream in the fashion industry could be reliezed as things began to work in our favor and her family got money and she passed her tofel test(after 3 tries).
This last June, our dream is relized as she begins fashion school in LA and is quickly happamered with school work and such. We do not have much time to talk on the phone as she is busy mantianing her postion as top of the class(as myself also). This is understandable, as I know how busy school is. We visit each other yet again for another passionate week 11 weeks later.
This last quater, I began to notice something strange, as she was not longer telling me "I love you" any more to me and was only talking about school work and what her friends were doing. She refused to talk abotu "us" or me, or anything romatnic in general. Naturally I questioned her as why she was acting this way. She told me that having a boyfriend destracts her from her work mentality and she cant focus. This i can understand as well. But I asked her this question.. "If someone ask you if you have a boyfriend, what will you say?". she told me, "I will say that I do not.". I was shocked! She then told me she wanted to be only friends. I tried to understand, as I thought I was too much pressure on her, so I said.. "ok, but promise me that you will come back to me..". she told me that she could not promise me anything! How could she say that?! I even promised not to call her until she was workfree, and not to annoy her, but she still refused to promise me that will have a romatic relationship in the future after she was done working. She did not even want me as a boyfriend in name!
Maybe this sounds selfish, but after almost 5 years of her promising her real love to me, her loyality, her heart, and a future together, NOW she not can not promise me anything?!? I know she has such a strong will and I will not stand in front of her dream, but she then tells me that she is so selfish and that I should find another girlfriend as she is not the right girl for for me and I will have a sad life with her. How could she say this to me after all I have done for her? Since the begining, I have helped her fight her way to America.
For 3 years I would wake up every night at 3-5 am just to talk to her for 3-4 hours even when I was in the middle of a project EVERYDAY. I would send her helpful tools for her tofel test, I would study with her by phone, I would coach her when her confidence was low, and truely believed and supported everything she did. She told me I was the only one that coudl understand her, and i also felt she was the only one that coudl understand me. She told me she trusted me more then her own family, as I did to her. She told me she never loved anyone as deep as me, as I did to her. We both lived without sex(real) for all this time, but we stayed loyal to each other no matter what as we truely believed in each other.
And now, she simply says... "sorry". I asked her when was the last time she even felt romatnic or "naughty" and she tells me she cant remember. I asked her if there was someone else in her life(a guy) and she says "no". But now she cant promise me that she wont fall in love with another man in the future and she says that if we truely love each other, she will simply leave it up to disteny.
We had planned all along that as soon as we graduated college, that I will move to LA and we will begin our lives together as we have hoped and dreamed for 5 years. Now she tells me not to move to LA at all, and onyl move to LA for my own career and not for her. Of course I did not take to this news from her at all well and I broke down on the phoen with her as I NEVER heard her say such things before to me.
I felt so betrayed and so hurt. She started to tell me things like she has felt jealous of me and that all this time she was trying so hard to beat me and to become better then me! This was the reason she would tell me of her achivments; to shich I would ALWAYS tell her I was so proud of her. Then she tells me that i am not proud of her at all(which is a LIE!) and that she has always felt so stupid compared to me becuase I was always right and she was always wrong about everything. She told me that she reliezed that I make her lazy, becuase she explained that since I help her, I made her lazy(which is NOT true because she has done so much where it was impossible for me to help her!) Things esscalated into a near argument and of course I freaked out and said some demeaning stuff to her as I was very emotional until she told me "I do not think I can talk to you anymore" so cold, calm and with no emotion at all. I then asked her "do you still love me?", and she said in the calmist voice..."..no". before she hung up the phone on me, she told me do not call her back.
I am completely heartbroken.
After all I have done for her. After all we have been through together to get her to this point. After meeting my parents and my parents excepting her. My mom loves her so much, and I was always so proud of her, I really am. After all the loyality and hardships we both endured. All the support I gave her and the dreams we dream together. After all the sex i ONLY gave her, after everything I have only done for her... After years of demanding more love and passion to her, After the real love I gave her.
She does this to me? I am sorry this was a long read(to those of you that read it), but compared to the long version, this story is a 15th as long as the real story that is about 20 times more complicated. But what do I do? She mentioned that for me to just give her time, but the thing was she could not tell me how long, so I was scared. I did not want to except the "lets be friends thing" as i know girls use this as a way to indirectly break-up(?) so I kept trying to change her mind(which I failed). I am just in shock and have not eatened anything in 3 days. I have not drank anything for 2 days. I have not left my bed for 3 days. I am completly destroyed right now.
I had put every hope and dream on that girl, my entire future(as she told me had too). together we had already planned our future together, a dream. EVERYTHING was going ok! The hardest part of our dream was over(she has a 6 year visa for America so she has lefted Japan). I only had 6 MONTHS until i could move to LA. Everything was just a matter of carring out our dream. ..Now... It's over?
Just like that? Our dream, the one she made me invest my entire self in, The serious relationship that i had invested all my engery in for 5 years?
In just 5 hours, my world completely collapsed . Overnight our relationship seems to no longer exist. HOW? WHY? was every promise by her false? Was every "I love only you" from her a lie? Was everything for nothing?! What did I do wrong? Was everything my fault? Was I not listening to her? Did she really hate me all this time? Am I too selfish?
Now I find myself lost without her without warning, I find myself without a future that had always been so clear and certain. I find myself with no light at the end of the tunnel. I find myself betrayed. I hate her so much, but I can not hate her, because my love for her is too strong. Everything I beleive in has failed. Everything I was fighting for and working so hard for has no meaning.
Help me, what do I do? Do I wait for her to contact me again? Do I drive to LA and confrotn her face to face? Do I tell her i will revenge her? Do I write her a sorry letter begging her to become friends again? Do I simply try to find another warm body to comfort me(It is impossible to just "forget her, and move on at this point"? Or do I more simply just kill myself?
Please, I need all your help, I will read every coment and take everything seriously to heart. thank you, I am sorry if I have caused your day to become depressing or cause trouble for you any in way.
Virgin.Your entire life is a lie.Die as a virgin too.Please.kthxbye
RIP Barry White 9/12/44 - 7/4/03
Your music will never be forgotten.
( '3`)~
|
| Maese Spt 341th Post
Bronze Customer
| "Re(2):Help! Seeking advice" , posted Wed 6 Dec 20:56
quote:
Hello there, You can all call me MoMuMan. I have been a lurker of this message board for over 2 years.
I do not want to type so much becuase I know you all do not have the time so I will try to quickly state my problem, as I know many of you have so much experince dealing with Japanese women, and relationships in general.
I have had a relationship with a beatiful and smart J-girl since June 2002, as we met as penpals through the internet in highschool. We are the same age, and we were both virgins at the time. My intentions for her were pure and I wanted a real friendship. We stayed in close contact and became close freinds that grew to trust each other. She always told me it was her dream to come to America to learn and experince different people and cultures. low and behold 2 years later after we met she is able to come to English school in LA, which gave us a chance to met for the first time. She admited ehr feelings for me, which I also felt, but had hidden. After I flew to LA(with my mother), we instantly fell in love and we became a real couple after that. After our few days together, we relized that we were in love and she vowled to return back to America for college and a career and for me.
Almost another year passes and after 100 of phone cards and 1000s of hours of talking on the phone EVERYDAY we are STILL a close couple. Everyday she tells me that she really loves me and we talk about out dream together to open a studio someday. We want to get married after we once again met each other after a VERY passionate 2 weeks(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex). We both promised each other all our trust, all our love, all our loyality as we both believe we both truely love each other and have a real future together. She now grew to relieze her dream in the fashion industry could be reliezed as things began to work in our favor and her family got money and she passed her tofel test(after 3 tries).
This last June, our dream is relized as she begins fashion school in LA and is quickly happamered with school work and such. We do not have much time to talk on the phone as she is busy mantianing her postion as top of the class(as myself also). This is understandable, as I know how busy school is. We visit each other yet again for another passionate week 11 weeks later.
This last quater, I began to notice something strange, as she was not longer telling me "I love you" any more to me and was only talking about school work and what her friends were doing. She refused to talk abotu "us" or me, or anything romatnic in general. Naturally I questioned her as why she was acting this way. She told me that having a boyfriend destracts her from her work mentality and she cant focus. This i can understand as well. But I asked her this question.. "If someone ask you if you have a boyfriend, what will you say?". she told me, "I will say that I do not.". I was shocked! She then told me she wanted to be only friends. I tried to understand, as I thought I was too much pressure on her, so I said.. "ok, but promise me that you will come back to me..". she told me that she could not promise me anything! How could she say that?! I even promised not to call her until she was workfree, and not to annoy her, but she still refused to promise me that will have a romatic relationship in the future after she was done working. She did not even want me as a boyfriend in name!
Maybe this sounds selfish, but after almost 5 years of her promising her real love to me, her loyality, her heart, and a future together, NOW she not can not promise me anything?!? I know she has such a strong will and I will not stand in front of her dream, but she then tells me that she is so selfish and that I should find another girlfriend as she is not the right girl for for me and I will have a sad life with her. How could she say this to me after all I have done for her? Since the begining, I have helped her fight her way to America.
For 3 years I would wake up every night at 3-5 am just to talk to her for 3-4 hours even when I was in the middle of a project EVERYDAY. I would send her helpful tools for her tofel test, I would study with her by phone, I would coach her when her confidence was low, and truely believed and supported everything she did. She told me I was the only one that coudl understand her, and i also felt she was the only one that coudl understand me. She told me she trusted me more then her own family, as I did to her. She told me she never loved anyone as deep as me, as I did to her. We both lived without sex(real) for all this time, but we stayed loyal to each other no matter what as we truely believed in each other.
And now, she simply says... "sorry". I asked her when was the last time she even felt romatnic or "naughty" and she tells me she cant remember. I asked her if there was someone else in her life(a guy) and she says "no". But now she cant promise me that she wont fall in love with another man in the future and she says that if we truely love each other, she will simply leave it up to disteny.
We had planned all along that as soon as we graduated college, that I will move to LA and we will begin our lives together as we have hoped and dreamed for 5 years. Now she tells me not to move to LA at all, and onyl move to LA for my own career and not for her. Of course I did not take to this news from her at all well and I broke down on the phoen with her as I NEVER heard her say such things before to me.
I felt so betrayed and so hurt. She started to tell me things like she has felt jealous of me and that all this time she was trying so hard to beat me and to become better then me! This was the reason she would tell me of her achivments; to shich I would ALWAYS tell her I was so proud of her. Then she tells me that i am not proud of her at all(which is a LIE!) and that she has always felt so stupid compared to me becuase I was always right and she was always wrong about everything. She told me that she reliezed that I make her lazy, becuase she explained that since I help her, I made her lazy(which is NOT true because she has done so much where it was impossible for me to help her!) Things esscalated into a near argument and of course I freaked out and said some demeaning stuff to her as I was very emotional until she told me "I do not think I can talk to you anymore" so cold, calm and with no emotion at all. I then asked her "do you still love me?", and she said in the calmist voice..."..no". before she hung up the phone on me, she told me do not call her back.
I am completely heartbroken.
After all I have done for her. After all we have been through together to get her to this point. After meeting my parents and my parents excepting her. My mom loves her so much, and I was always so proud of her, I really am. After all the loyality and hardships we both endured. All the support I gave her and the dreams we dream together. After all the sex i ONLY gave her, after everything I have only done for her... After years of demanding more love and passion to her, After the real love I gave her.
She does this to me? I am sorry this was a long read(to those of you that read it), but compared to the long version, this story is a 15th as long as the real story that is about 20 times more complicated. But what do I do? She mentioned that for me to just give her time, but the thing was she could not tell me how long, so I was scared. I did not want to except the "lets be friends thing" as i know girls use this as a way to indirectly break-up(?) so I kept trying to change her mind(which I failed). I am just in shock and have not eatened anything in 3 days. I have not drank anything for 2 days. I have not left my bed for 3 days. I am completly destroyed right now.
I had put every hope and dream on that girl, my entire future(as she told me had too). together we had already planned our future together, a dream. EVERYTHING was going ok! The hardest part of our dream was over(she has a 6 year visa for America so she has lefted Japan). I only had 6 MONTHS until i could move to LA. Everything was just a matter of carring out our dream. ..Now... It's over?
Just like that? Our dream, the one she made me invest my entire self in, The serious relationship that i had invested all my engery in for 5 years?
In just 5 hours, my world completely collapsed . Overnight our relationship seems to no longer exist. HOW? WHY? was every promise by her false? Was every "I love only you" from her a lie? Was everything for nothing?! What did I do wrong? Was everything my fault? Was I not listening to her? Did she really hate me all this time? Am I too selfish?
Now I find myself lost without her without warning, I find myself without a future that had always been so clear and certain. I find myself with no light at the end of the tunnel. I find myself betrayed. I hate her so much, but I can not hate her, because my love for her is too strong. Everything I beleive in has failed. Everything I was fighting for and working so hard for has no meaning.
Help me, what do I do? Do I wait for her to contact me again? Do I drive to LA and confrotn her face to face? Do I tell her i will revenge her? Do I write her a sorry letter begging her to become friends again? Do I simply try to find another warm body to comfort me(It is impossible to just "forget her, and move on at this point"? Or do I more simply just kill myself?
Please, I need all your help, I will read every coment and take everything seriously to heart. thank you, I am sorry if I have caused your day to become depressing or cause trouble for you any in way.
THIS IS DELICIOUS COPYPASTA. YOU MUST EAT IT, FOR IT IS DELICIOUS.
Also, in before weeaboo.
P.S.
You should kill yourself, sure, but please make sure you do it with a classy wapanese touch: slit your belly and save your last breath to ask her to perform the customary kaishaku.
Oh, and pics or it didn't happen, you know.
マツケン サンバ!!!!
|
| HAYATO 724th Post
Red Carpet Regular Member
| "Re(2):Help! Seeking advice" , posted Thu 7 Dec 09:20
............................................________
....................................,.-‘”...................``~.,
.............................,.-”...................................“-.,
.........................,/...............................................”:,
.....................,?......................................................\,
.................../...........................................................,}
................./......................................................,:`^`..}
.............../...................................................,:”........./
..............?.....__.........................................:`.........../
............./__.(.....“~-,_..............................,:`........../
.........../(_....”~,_........“~,_....................,:`........_/
..........{.._$;_......”=,_.......“-,_.......,.-~-,},.~”;/....}
...........((.....*~_.......”=-._......“;,,./`..../”............../
...,,,___.\`~,......“~.,....................`.....}............../
............(....`=-,,.......`........................(......;_,,-”
............/.`~,......`-...............................\....../\
.............\`~.*-,.....................................|,./.....\,__
,,_..........}.>-._\...................................|..............`=~-,
.....`=~-,_\_......`\,.................................\
...................`=~-,,.\,...............................\
................................`:,,...........................`\..............__
.....................................`=-,...................,%`>--==``
........................................_\..........._,-%.......`\
...................................,<`.._|_,-&``................`\
|
| Digitalboy 375th Post
Silver Customer
| "Re(3):Help! Seeking advice" , posted Thu 7 Dec 10:01
Brilliant!
quote:
............................................________
....................................,.-‘”...................``~.,
.............................,.-”...................................“-.,
.........................,/...............................................”:,
.....................,?......................................................\,
.................../...........................................................,}
................./......................................................,:`^`..}
.............../...................................................,:”........./
..............?.....__.........................................:`.........../
............./__.(.....“~-,_..............................,:`........../
.........../(_....”~,_........“~,_....................,:`........_/
..........{.._$;_......”=,_.......“-,_.......,.-~-,},.~”;/....}
...........((.....*~_.......”=-._......“;,,./`..../”............../
...,,,___.\`~,......“~.,....................`.....}............../
............(....`=-,,.......`........................(......;_,,-”
............/.`~,......`-...............................\....../\
.............\`~.*-,.....................................|,./.....\,__
,,_..........}.>-._\...................................|..............`=~-,
.....`=~-,_\_......`\,.................................\
...................`=~-,,.\,...............................\
................................`:,,...........................`\..............__
.....................................`=-,...................,%`>--==``
........................................_\..........._,-%.......`\
...................................,<`.._|_,-&``................`\
I don't know how to live
But I've got alot of toys...
|
| Undead Fred 2758th Post
Platinum Carpet V.I.P- Board Master
    
| "Re(1):Help! Seeking advice" , posted Thu 7 Dec 11:49
quote:
Hello there, You can all call me MoMuMan. I have been a lurker of this message board for over 2 years.
I do not want to type so much becuase I know you all do not have the time so I will try to quickly state my problem, as I know many of you have so much experince dealing with Japanese women, and relationships in general.
I have had a relationship with a beatiful and smart J-girl since June 2002, as we met as penpals through the internet in highschool. We are the same age, and we were both virgins at the time. My intentions for her were pure and I wanted a real friendship. We stayed in close contact and became close freinds that grew to trust each other. She always told me it was her dream to come to America to learn and experince different people and cultures. low and behold 2 years later after we met she is able to come to English school in LA, which gave us a chance to met for the first time. She admited ehr feelings for me, which I also felt, but had hidden. After I flew to LA(with my mother), we instantly fell in love and we became a real couple after that. After our few days together, we relized that we were in love and she vowled to return back to America for college and a career and for me.
Almost another year passes and after 100 of phone cards and 1000s of hours of talking on the phone EVERYDAY we are STILL a close couple. Everyday she tells me that she really loves me and we talk about out dream together to open a studio someday. We want to get married after we once again met each other after a VERY passionate 2 weeks(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex). We both promised each other all our trust, all our love, all our loyality as we both believe we both truely love each other and have a real future together. She now grew to relieze her dream in the fashion industry could be reliezed as things began to work in our favor and her family got money and she passed her tofel test(after 3 tries).
This last June, our dream is relized as she begins fashion school in LA and is quickly happamered with school work and such. We do not have much time to talk on the phone as she is busy mantianing her postion as top of the class(as myself also). This is understandable, as I know how busy school is. We visit each other yet again for another passionate week 11 weeks later.
This last quater, I began to notice something strange, as she was not longer telling me "I love you" any more to me and was only talking about school work and what her friends were doing. She refused to talk abotu "us" or me, or anything romatnic in general. Naturally I questioned her as why she was acting this way. She told me that having a boyfriend destracts her from her work mentality and she cant focus. This i can understand as well. But I asked her this question.. "If someone ask you if you have a boyfriend, what will you say?". she told me, "I will say that I do not.". I was shocked! She then told me she wanted to be only friends. I tried to understand, as I thought I was too much pressure on her, so I said.. "ok, but promise me that you will come back to me..". she told me that she could not promise me anything! How could she say that?! I even promised not to call her until she was workfree, and not to annoy her, but she still refused to promise me that will have a romatic relationship in the future after she was done working. She did not even want me as a boyfriend in name!
Maybe this sounds selfish, but after almost 5 years of her promising her real love to me, her loyality, her heart, and a future together, NOW she not can not promise me anything?!? I know she has such a strong will and I will not stand in front of her dream, but she then tells me that she is so selfish and that I should find another girlfriend as she is not the right girl for for me and I will have a sad life with her. How could she say this to me after all I have done for her? Since the begining, I have helped her fight her way to America.
For 3 years I would wake up every night at 3-5 am just to talk to her for 3-4 hours even when I was in the middle of a project EVERYDAY. I would send her helpful tools for her tofel test, I would study with her by phone, I would coach her when her confidence was low, and truely believed and supported everything she did. She told me I was the only one that coudl understand her, and i also felt she was the only one that coudl understand me. She told me she trusted me more then her own family, as I did to her. She told me she never loved anyone as deep as me, as I did to her. We both lived without sex(real) for all this time, but we stayed loyal to each other no matter what as we truely believed in each other.
And now, she simply says... "sorry". I asked her when was the last time she even felt romatnic or "naughty" and she tells me she cant remember. I asked her if there was someone else in her life(a guy) and she says "no". But now she cant promise me that she wont fall in love with another man in the future and she says that if we truely love each other, she will simply leave it up to disteny.
We had planned all along that as soon as we graduated college, that I will move to LA and we will begin our lives together as we have hoped and dreamed for 5 years. Now she tells me not to move to LA at all, and onyl move to LA for my own career and not for her. Of course I did not take to this news from her at all well and I broke down on the phoen with her as I NEVER heard her say such things before to me.
I felt so betrayed and so hurt. She started to tell me things like she has felt jealous of me and that all this time she was trying so hard to beat me and to become better then me! This was the reason she would tell me of her achivments; to shich I would ALWAYS tell her I was so proud of her. Then she tells me that i am not proud of her at all(which is a LIE!) and that she has always felt so stupid compared to me becuase I was always right and she was always wrong about everything. She told me that she reliezed that I make her lazy, becuase she explained that since I help her, I made her lazy(which is NOT true because she has done so much where it was impossible for me to help her!) Things esscalated into a near argument and of course I freaked out and said some demeaning stuff to her as I was very emotional until she told me "I do not think I can talk to you anymore" so cold, calm and with no emotion at all. I then asked her "do you still love me?", and she said in the calmist voice..."..no". before she hung up the phone on me, she told me do not call her back.
I am completely heartbroken.
After all I have done for her. After all we have been through together to get her to this point. After meeting my parents and my parents excepting her. My mom loves her so much, and I was always so proud of her, I really am. After all the loyality and hardships we both endured. All the support I gave her and the dreams we dream together. After all the sex i ONLY gave her, after everything I have only done for her... After years of demanding more love and passion to her, After the real love I gave her.
She does this to me? I am sorry this was a long read(to those of you that read it), but compared to the long version, this story is a 15th as long as the real story that is about 20 times more complicated. But what do I do? She mentioned that for me to just give her time, but the thing was she could not tell me how long, so I was scared. I did not want to except the "lets be friends thing" as i know girls use this as a way to indirectly break-up(?) so I kept trying to change her mind(which I failed). I am just in shock and have not eatened anything in 3 days. I have not drank anything for 2 days. I have not left my bed for 3 days. I am completly destroyed right now.
I had put every hope and dream on that girl, my entire future(as she told me had too). together we had already planned our future together, a dream. EVERYTHING was going ok! The hardest part of our dream was over(she has a 6 year visa for America so she has lefted Japan). I only had 6 MONTHS until i could move to LA. Everything was just a matter of carring out our dream. ..Now... It's over?
Just like that? Our dream, the one she made me invest my entire self in, The serious relationship that i had invested all my engery in for 5 years?
In just 5 hours, my world completely collapsed . Overnight our relationship seems to no longer exist. HOW? WHY? was every promise by her false? Was every "I love only you" from her a lie? Was everything for nothing?! What did I do wrong? Was everything my fault? Was I not listening to her? Did she really hate me all this time? Am I too selfish?
Now I find myself lost without her without warning, I find myself without a future that had always been so clear and certain. I find myself with no light at the end of the tunnel. I find myself betrayed. I hate her so much, but I can not hate her, because my love for her is too strong. Everything I beleive in has failed. Everything I was fighting for and working so hard for has no meaning.
Help me, what do I do? Do I wait for her to contact me again? Do I drive to LA and confrotn her face to face? Do I tell her i will revenge her? Do I write her a sorry letter begging her to become friends again? Do I simply try to find another warm body to comfort me(It is impossible to just "forget her, and move on at this point"? Or do I more simply just kill myself?
Please, I need all your help, I will read every coment and take everything seriously to heart. thank you, I am sorry if I have caused your day to become depressing or cause trouble for you any in way.
Yeah sorry to hear that man, you definitely got USED. Women will try to say their feelings changed, they have grown as a person, they are older now and know more what they want, more busy with work/school than they used to be, etc. All excuses to try to make themselves feel better about using you.
Its what happens to "nice guys". You meet a girl who needs your help or is in a bad situation. You spend lots of time and effort helping her out to get what she needs, thinking that your end result will be her gratitude and undying love. But thats not really the way relationships work. You would THINK that she would be grateful for what you have done and maybe somewhere inside she is, but that doesnt transfer into her thinking that she owes you something relationship wise in return. Some of these delusional women even think of it as them giving you the "opportunity" to spend some time with them and be part of their life for a while as full payment for your help. To me that is crap.
Dont expect being a "nice guy" will get you anything other than a thank you at best and a broken heart at worst. If you want a real relationship you have to make sure it is even, not just you giving and her taking which is what happened here. Because once everything gets better and they are in a good situation, then they forget where they came from and now have this idea that they deserve better than you because THEY are better now.
They forget that they are only better now thanks to YOU and YOUR EFFORTS for them because now that they are in a good situation, have more confidence, etc the "bad boys" are now coming around to get them, so they cant be bothered with you anymore. Bad boys are smooth, they wait for some nice guy to take care of all her problems, help her financially, improve her situation, etc THEN they come swooping in for the kill. So no point in being nice like that, all you are doing is making the girl look attractive to someone else, and you arent going to be able to keep her anyway in the end so let someone else do all the work and effort.
So guys dont put all this effort into something without getting some returns as you go along. Dont keep doing and doing expecting a big payoff in the end. Treat it just like work, you work for 2 weeks, you get paid. Its not like you work for 5 years THEN get paid right? If you keep giving most women will keep taking. You gotta make it clear that once you have done a certain amount of things for them, that if they want more things, payment is due.
Otherwise once they get to where they want to be, they will forget all about what you have done to get them where they are. So if you are getting things back along the way that are even to what you are giving then at least if that happens at the end you wont feel sooooo bad about it, right? You gave, you got. But it sucks when you gave and when it is time to get, suddenly her "feelings changed" and you get nothing.
There have already been some good responses. As Hakuman said never spend money on girls... hey I've gone out with girls that have told me they owe me dinner and then they expect me to pay, haha.
You did get used. I have been in your position at times and i have been the other guy that all the other guys hate more. When a girl pulls this stuff on you, you must remember that it is not a personal criticism of who you are but rather of how she views you which is most likely quite wrong and distorted by other factors. There is any number of reasons why a woman may pull these types of stunts or in some cases there isn't a reason at all actually. I can understand why women do it, as im friends with women that do it to other guys, the most simple explanation is that her moods do change. Obviously since this was a penpal type thing you didn't have many options.
However in other situations in the future where you do have options you generally have to anticipate it and judge the woman from a negative and positive perspective. In those cases strike quick and when all the emotions are intense. Think of it as a game in which you are trying to push up the intensity as quick as you can. At the same time don't hold out for one woman, always be on the lookout even if that includes girls she knows, hell even her friends if you meet one you really like. UNTIL YOU HAVE SEX WITH HER THEN YOU ARE SINGLE. Ofcourse in such situations she may react and try to show the other girls that she 'owns' you which will give you another indication of her personality. I can tell you a story to explain what I mean but lata.
Basically look at it this way, you met her, it's all good, then she says something like this to come take you out, "Im really busy at moment, I enjoy being single, I don't want a bf, I want to be just friends!". In such a situation I suggest keep on going as it is essentially a test especially when a girl says this in a intimate situation however if she still is resisting then too bad for her, you put your arse on the line and you proved yourself to her and if she isn't capable of proving herself back then go find some other woman that will.
It is surprising actually how many women will still retain feelings for you (even when you think they don't n treat you bad) and therefore it is good just to keep them on the backburner, even if that means friends (ie. don't do anything for her, just say hi, joke, laugh, smile when around her, generally be a cool guy and comfortable), make her go clubbing with you and pick up girls. Ofcourse be dating other women all the time and you will be surprised by what alot of women will do when the work it out. Ie. they may tell their friends they aren't interested in you but then one hour later be holding you tight and rocking to the music with you. And hopefully this time she will have realised that she has to prove herself too otherwise she can enjoy being on the backburner again getting limited attention and dating lame guys. Ofcourse she could always meet a cool guy so good for him and her. Judge people by their actions not their words.
Finally only give as much as you are willing to give and also lose! By giving a girl alot of your attention and time you are making an investment so make sure you are getting what you want out of it and this applies to girls you talk to on the net aswell.
Either way you are young as am I and stay well and just be positive and cool if you ever actually meet this girl in the future cause she did invest feelings in you and given the right situation you may be surprised at what happens. She would have wondered what it would have been like to be with you and may be interested to try it even if she is taken at the time.
|
| Maese Spt 342th Post
Bronze Customer
| "Re(2):Help! Seeking advice" , posted Thu 7 Dec 12:13
quote:
Hello there, You can all call me MoMuMan. I have been a lurker of this message board for over 2 years.
I do not want to type so much becuase I know you all do not have the time so I will try to quickly state my problem, as I know many of you have so much experince dealing with Japanese women, and relationships in general.
I have had a relationship with a beatiful and smart J-girl since June 2002, as we met as penpals through the internet in highschool. We are the same age, and we were both virgins at the time. My intentions for her were pure and I wanted a real friendship. We stayed in close contact and became close freinds that grew to trust each other. She always told me it was her dream to come to America to learn and experince different people and cultures. low and behold 2 years later after we met she is able to come to English school in LA, which gave us a chance to met for the first time. She admited ehr feelings for me, which I also felt, but had hidden. After I flew to LA(with my mother), we instantly fell in love and we became a real couple after that. After our few days together, we relized that we were in love and she vowled to return back to America for college and a career and for me.
Almost another year passes and after 100 of phone cards and 1000s of hours of talking on the phone EVERYDAY we are STILL a close couple. Everyday she tells me that she really loves me and we talk about out dream together to open a studio someday. We want to get married after we once again met each other after a VERY passionate 2 weeks(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex). We both promised each other all our trust, all our love, all our loyality as we both believe we both truely love each other and have a real future together. She now grew to relieze her dream in the fashion industry could be reliezed as things began to work in our favor and her family got money and she passed her tofel test(after 3 tries).
This last June, our dream is relized as she begins fashion school in LA and is quickly happamered with school work and such. We do not have much time to talk on the phone as she is busy mantianing her postion as top of the class(as myself also). This is understandable, as I know how busy school is. We visit each other yet again for another passionate week 11 weeks later.
This last quater, I began to notice something strange, as she was not longer telling me "I love you" any more to me and was only talking about school work and what her friends were doing. She refused to talk abotu "us" or me, or anything romatnic in general. Naturally I questioned her as why she was acting this way. She told me that having a boyfriend destracts her from her work mentality and she cant focus. This i can understand as well. But I asked her this question.. "If someone ask you if you have a boyfriend, what will you say?". she told me, "I will say that I do not.". I was shocked! She then told me she wanted to be only friends. I tried to understand, as I thought I was too much pressure on her, so I said.. "ok, but promise me that you will come back to me..". she told me that she could not promise me anything! How could she say that?! I even promised not to call her until she was workfree, and not to annoy her, but she still refused to promise me that will have a romatic relationship in the future after she was done working. She did not even want me as a boyfriend in name!
Maybe this sounds selfish, but after almost 5 years of her promising her real love to me, her loyality, her heart, and a future together, NOW she not can not promise me anything?!? I know she has such a strong will and I will not stand in front of her dream, but she then tells me that she is so selfish and that I should find another girlfriend as she is not the right girl for for me and I will have a sad life with her. How could she say this to me after all I have done for her? Since the begining, I have helped her fight her way to America.
For 3 years I would wake up every night at 3-5 am just to talk to her for 3-4 hours even when I was in the middle of a project EVERYDAY. I would send her helpful tools for her tofel test, I would study with her by phone, I would coach her when her confidence was low, and truely believed and supported everything she did. She told me I was the only one that coudl understand her, and i also felt she was the only one that coudl understand me. She told me she trusted me more then her own family, as I did to her. She told me she never loved anyone as deep as me, as I did to her. We both lived without sex(real) for all this time, but we stayed loyal to each other no matter what as we truely believed in each other.
And now, she simply says... "sorry". I asked her when was the last time she even felt romatnic or "naughty" and she tells me she cant remember. I asked her if there was someone else in her life(a guy) and she says "no". But now she cant promise me that she wont fall in love with another man in the future and she says that if we truely love each other, she will simply leave it up to disteny.
We had planned all along that as soon as we graduated college, that I will move to LA and we will begin our lives together as we have hoped and dreamed for 5 years. Now she tells me not to move to LA at all, and onyl move to LA for my own career and not for her. Of course I did not take to this news from her at all well and I broke down on the phoen with her as I NEVER heard her say such things before to me.
I felt so betrayed and so hurt. She started to tell me things like she has felt jealous of me and that all this time she was trying so hard to beat me and to become better then me! This was the reason she would tell me of her achivments; to shich I would ALWAYS tell her I was so proud of her. Then she tells me that i am not proud of her at all(which is a LIE!) and that she has always felt so stupid compared to me becuase I was always right and she was always wrong about everything. She told me that she reliezed that I make her lazy, becuase she explained that since I help her, I made her lazy(which is NOT true because she has done so much where it was impossible for me to help her!) Things esscalated into a near argument and of course I freaked out and said some demeaning stuff to her as I was very emotional until she told me "I do not think I can talk to you anymore" so cold, calm and with no emotion at all. I then asked her "do you still love me?", and she said in the calmist voice..."..no". before she hung up the phone on me, she told me do not call her back.
I am completely heartbroken.
After all I have done for her. After all we have been through together to get her to this point. After meeting my parents and my parents excepting her. My mom loves her so much, and I was always so proud of her, I really am. After all the loyality and hardships we both endured. All the support I gave her and the dreams we dream together. After all the sex i ONLY gave her, after everything I have only done for her... After years of demanding more love and passion to her, After the real love I gave her.
She does this to me? I am sorry this was a long read(to those of you that read it), but compared to the long version, this story is a 15th as long as the real story that is about 20 times more complicated. But what do I do? She mentioned that for me to just give her time, but the thing was she could not tell me how long, so I was scared. I did not want to except the "lets be friends thing" as i know girls use this as a way to indirectly break-up(?) so I kept trying to change her mind(which I failed). I am just in shock and have not eatened anything in 3 days. I have not drank anything for 2 days. I have not left my bed for 3 days. I am completly destroyed right now.
I had put every hope and dream on that girl, my entire future(as she told me had too). together we had already planned our future together, a dream. EVERYTHING was going ok! The hardest part of our dream was over(she has a 6 year visa for America so she has lefted Japan). I only had 6 MONTHS until i could move to LA. Everything was just a matter of carring out our dream. ..Now... It's over?
Just like that? Our dream, the one she made me invest my entire self in, The serious relationship that i had invested all my engery in for 5 years?
In just 5 hours, my world completely collapsed . Overnight our relationship seems to no longer exist. HOW? WHY? was every promise by her false? Was every "I love only you" from her a lie? Was everything for nothing?! What did I do wrong? Was everything my fault? Was I not listening to her? Did she really hate me all this time? Am I too selfish?
Now I find myself lost without her without warning, I find myself without a future that had always been so clear and certain. I find myself with no light at the end of the tunnel. I find myself betrayed. I hate her so much, but I can not hate her, because my love for her is too strong. Everything I beleive in has failed. Everything I was fighting for and working so hard for has no meaning.
Help me, what do I do? Do I wait for her to contact me again? Do I drive to LA and confrotn her face to face? Do I tell her i will revenge her? Do I write her a sorry letter begging her to become friends again? Do I simply try to find another warm body to comfort me(It is impossible to just "forget her, and move on at this point"? Or do I more simply just kill myself?
Please, I need all your help, I will read every coment and take everything seriously to heart. thank you, I am sorry if I have caused your day to become depressing or cause trouble for you any in way.
Yeah sorry to hear that man, you definitely got USED. Women will try to say their feelings changed, they have grown as a person, they are older now and know more what they want, more busy with work/school than they used to be, etc. All excuses to try to make themselves feel better about using you.
Its what happens to "nice guys". You meet a girl who needs your help or is in a bad situation. You spend lots of time and effort helping her out to get what she needs, thinking that your end result will be her gratitude and undying love. But thats not really the way relationships work. You would THINK that she would be grateful for what you have done and maybe somewhere inside she is, but that doesnt transfer into her thinking that she owes you something relationship wise in return. Some of these delusional women even think of it as them giving you the "opportunity" to spend some time with them and be part of their life for a while as full payment for your help. To me that is crap.
Dont expect being a "nice guy" will get you anything other than a thank you at best and a broken heart at worst. If you want a real relationship you have to make sure it is even, not just you giving and her taking which is what happened here. Because once everything gets better and they are in a good situation, then they forget where they came from and now have this idea that they deserve better than you because THEY are better now.
They forget that they are only better now thanks to YOU and YOUR EFFORTS for them because now that they are in a good situation, have more confidence, etc the "bad boys" are now coming around to get them, so they cant be bothered with you anymore. Bad boys are smooth, they wait for some nice guy to take care of all her problems, help her financially, improve her situation, etc THEN they come swooping in for the kill. So no point in being nice like that, all you are doing is making the girl look attractive to someone else, and you arent going to be able to keep her anyway in the end so let someone else do all the work and effort.
So guys dont put all this effort into something without getting some returns as you go along. Dont keep doing and doing expecting a big payoff in the end. Treat it just like work, you work for 2 weeks, you get paid. Its not like you work for 5 years THEN get paid right? If you keep giving most women will keep taking. You gotta make it clear that once you have done a certain amount of things for them, that if they want more things, payment is due.
Otherwise once they get to where they want to be, they will forget all about what you have done to get them where they are. So if you are getting things back along the way that are even to what you are giving then at least if that happens at the end you wont feel sooooo bad about it, right? You gave, you got. But it sucks when you gave and when it is time to get, suddenly her "feelings changed" and you get nothing.
There have already been some good responses. As Hakuman said never spend money on girls... hey I've gone out with girls that have told me they owe me dinner and then they expect me to pay, haha.
You did get used. I have been in your position at times and i have been the other guy that all the other guys hate more. When a girl pulls this stuff on you, you must remember that it is not a personal criticism of who you are but rather of how she views you which is most likely quite wrong and distorted by other factors. There is any number of reasons why a woman may pull these types of stunts or in some cases there isn't a reason at all actually. I can understand why women do it, as im friends with women that do it to other guys, the most simple explanation is that her moods do change. Obviously since this was a penpal type thing you didn't have many options.
However in other situations in the future where you do have options you generally have to anticipate it and judge the woman from a negative and positive perspective. In those cases strike quick and when all the emotions are intense. Think of it as a game in which you are trying to push up the intensity as quick as you can. At the same time don't hold out for one woman, always be on the lookout even if that includes girls she knows, hell even her friends if you meet one you really like. UNTIL YOU HAVE SEX WITH HER THEN YOU ARE SINGLE. Ofcourse in such situations she may react and try to show the other girls that she 'owns' you which will give you another indication of her personality. I can tell you a story to explain what I mean but lata.
Basically look at it this way, you met her, it's all good, then she says something like this to come take you out, "Im really busy at moment, I enjoy being single, I don't want a bf, I want to be just friends!". In such a situation I suggest keep on going as it is essentially a test especially when a girl says this in a intimate situation however if she still is resisting then too bad for her, you put your arse on the line and you proved yourself to her and if she isn't capable of proving herself back then go find some other woman that will.
It is surprising actually how many women will still retain feelings for you (even when you think they don't n treat you bad) and therefore it is good just to keep them on the backburner, even if that means friends (ie. don't do anything for her, just say hi, joke, laugh, smile when around her, generally be a cool guy and comfortable), make her go clubbing with you and pick up girls. Ofcourse be dating other women all the time and you will be surprised by what alot of women will do when the work it out. Ie. they may tell their friends they aren't interested in you but then one hour later be holding you tight and rocking to the music with you. And hopefully this time she will have realised that she has to prove herself too otherwise she can enjoy being on the backburner again getting limited attention and dating lame guys. Ofcourse she could always meet a cool guy so good for him and her. Judge people by their actions not their words.
Finally only give as much as you are willing to give and also lose! By giving a girl alot of your attention and time you are making an investment so make sure you are getting what you want out of it and this applies to girls you talk to on the net aswell.
Either way you are young as am I and stay well and just be positive and cool if you ever actually meet this girl in the future cause she did invest feelings in you and given the right situation you may be surprised at what happens. She would have wondered what it would have been like to be with you and may be interested to try it even if she is taken at the time.
YOUR WORDS ARE AS EMPTY AS YOUR SOUL.
Spoiler (Highlight to view) -
Also, in before "Cafe's closed"
End of Spoiler
マツケン サンバ!!!!
|
| gorgeous
142th Post
Regular Customer
| "Re(1):Help! Seeking advice" , posted Thu 7 Dec 12:27
quote:
Hello there, You can all call me MoMuMan. I have been a lurker of this message board for over 2 years.
I do not want to type so much becuase I know you all do not have the time so I will try to quickly state my problem, as I know many of you have so much experince dealing with Japanese women, and relationships in general.
I have had a relationship with a beatiful and smart J-girl since June 2002, as we met as penpals through the internet in highschool. We are the same age, and we were both virgins at the time. My intentions for her were pure and I wanted a real friendship. We stayed in close contact and became close freinds that grew to trust each other. She always told me it was her dream to come to America to learn and experince different people and cultures. low and behold 2 years later after we met she is able to come to English school in LA, which gave us a chance to met for the first time. She admited ehr feelings for me, which I also felt, but had hidden. After I flew to LA(with my mother), we instantly fell in love and we became a real couple after that. After our few days together, we relized that we were in love and she vowled to return back to America for college and a career and for me.
Almost another year passes and after 100 of phone cards and 1000s of hours of talking on the phone EVERYDAY we are STILL a close couple. Everyday she tells me that she really loves me and we talk about out dream together to open a studio someday. We want to get married after we once again met each other after a VERY passionate 2 weeks(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex). We both promised each other all our trust, all our love, all our loyality as we both believe we both truely love each other and have a real future together. She now grew to relieze her dream in the fashion industry could be reliezed as things began to work in our favor and her family got money and she passed her tofel test(after 3 tries).
This last June, our dream is relized as she begins fashion school in LA and is quickly happamered with school work and such. We do not have much time to talk on the phone as she is busy mantianing her postion as top of the class(as myself also). This is understandable, as I know how busy school is. We visit each other yet again for another passionate week 11 weeks later.
This last quater, I began to notice something strange, as she was not longer telling me "I love you" any more to me and was only talking about school work and what her friends were doing. She refused to talk abotu "us" or me, or anything romatnic in general. Naturally I questioned her as why she was acting this way. She told me that having a boyfriend destracts her from her work mentality and she cant focus. This i can understand as well. But I asked her this question.. "If someone ask you if you have a boyfriend, what will you say?". she told me, "I will say that I do not.". I was shocked! She then told me she wanted to be only friends. I tried to understand, as I thought I was too much pressure on her, so I said.. "ok, but promise me that you will come back to me..". she told me that she could not promise me anything! How could she say that?! I even promised not to call her until she was workfree, and not to annoy her, but she still refused to promise me that will have a romatic relationship in the future after she was done working. She did not even want me as a boyfriend in name!
Maybe this sounds selfish, but after almost 5 years of her promising her real love to me, her loyality, her heart, and a future together, NOW she not can not promise me anything?!? I know she has such a strong will and I will not stand in front of her dream, but she then tells me that she is so selfish and that I should find another girlfriend as she is not the right girl for for me and I will have a sad life with her. How could she say this to me after all I have done for her? Since the begining, I have helped her fight her way to America.
For 3 years I would wake up every night at 3-5 am just to talk to her for 3-4 hours even when I was in the middle of a project EVERYDAY. I would send her helpful tools for her tofel test, I would study with her by phone, I would coach her when her confidence was low, and truely believed and supported everything she did. She told me I was the only one that coudl understand her, and i also felt she was the only one that coudl understand me. She told me she trusted me more then her own family, as I did to her. She told me she never loved anyone as deep as me, as I did to her. We both lived without sex(real) for all this time, but we stayed loyal to each other no matter what as we truely believed in each other.
And now, she simply says... "sorry". I asked her when was the last time she even felt romatnic or "naughty" and she tells me she cant remember. I asked her if there was someone else in her life(a guy) and she says "no". But now she cant promise me that she wont fall in love with another man in the future and she says that if we truely love each other, she will simply leave it up to disteny.
We had planned all along that as soon as we graduated college, that I will move to LA and we will begin our lives together as we have hoped and dreamed for 5 years. Now she tells me not to move to LA at all, and onyl move to LA for my own career and not for her. Of course I did not take to this news from her at all well and I broke down on the phoen with her as I NEVER heard her say such things before to me.
I felt so betrayed and so hurt. She started to tell me things like she has felt jealous of me and that all this time she was trying so hard to beat me and to become better then me! This was the reason she would tell me of her achivments; to shich I would ALWAYS tell her I was so proud of her. Then she tells me that i am not proud of her at all(which is a LIE!) and that she has always felt so stupid compared to me becuase I was always right and she was always wrong about everything. She told me that she reliezed that I make her lazy, becuase she explained that since I help her, I made her lazy(which is NOT true because she has done so much where it was impossible for me to help her!) Things esscalated into a near argument and of course I freaked out and said some demeaning stuff to her as I was very emotional until she told me "I do not think I can talk to you anymore" so cold, calm and with no emotion at all. I then asked her "do you still love me?", and she said in the calmist voice..."..no". before she hung up the phone on me, she told me do not call her back.
I am completely heartbroken.
After all I have done for her. After all we have been through together to get her to this point. After meeting my parents and my parents excepting her. My mom loves her so much, and I was always so proud of her, I really am. After all the loyality and hardships we both endured. All the support I gave her and the dreams we dream together. After all the sex i ONLY gave her, after everything I have only done for her... After years of demanding more love and passion to her, After the real love I gave her.
She does this to me? I am sorry this was a long read(to those of you that read it), but compared to the long version, this story is a 15th as long as the real story that is about 20 times more complicated. But what do I do? She mentioned that for me to just give her time, but the thing was she could not tell me how long, so I was scared. I did not want to except the "lets be friends thing" as i know girls use this as a way to indirectly break-up(?) so I kept trying to change her mind(which I failed). I am just in shock and have not eatened anything in 3 days. I have not drank anything for 2 days. I have not left my bed for 3 days. I am completly destroyed right now.
I had put every hope and dream on that girl, my entire future(as she told me had too). together we had already planned our future together, a dream. EVERYTHING was going ok! The hardest part of our dream was over(she has a 6 year visa for America so she has lefted Japan). I only had 6 MONTHS until i could move to LA. Everything was just a matter of carring out our dream. ..Now... It's over?
Just like that? Our dream, the one she made me invest my entire self in, The serious relationship that i had invested all my engery in for 5 years?
In just 5 hours, my world completely collapsed . Overnight our relationship seems to no longer exist. HOW? WHY? was every promise by her false? Was every "I love only you" from her a lie? Was everything for nothing?! What did I do wrong? Was everything my fault? Was I not listening to her? Did she really hate me all this time? Am I too selfish?
Now I find myself lost without her without warning, I find myself without a future that had always been so clear and certain. I find myself with no light at the end of the tunnel. I find myself betrayed. I hate her so much, but I can not hate her, because my love for her is too strong. Everything I beleive in has failed. Everything I was fighting for and working so hard for has no meaning.
Help me, what do I do? Do I wait for her to contact me again? Do I drive to LA and confrotn her face to face? Do I tell her i will revenge her? Do I write her a sorry letter begging her to become friends again? Do I simply try to find another warm body to comfort me(It is impossible to just "forget her, and move on at this point"? Or do I more simply just kill myself?
Please, I need all your help, I will read every coment and take everything seriously to heart. thank you, I am sorry if I have caused your day to become depressing or cause trouble for you any in way.
if ur finished with her mind shootin me her number ;)
|
| Digitalboy 376th Post
Silver Customer
| "Re(2):Help! Seeking advice" , posted Thu 7 Dec 21:59
Whaaa?
quote:
Hello there, You can all call me MoMuMan. I have been a lurker of this message board for over 2 years.
I do not want to type so much becuase I know you all do not have the time so I will try to quickly state my problem, as I know many of you have so much experince dealing with Japanese women, and relationships in general.
I have had a relationship with a beatiful and smart J-girl since June 2002, as we met as penpals through the internet in highschool. We are the same age, and we were both virgins at the time. My intentions for her were pure and I wanted a real friendship. We stayed in close contact and became close freinds that grew to trust each other. She always told me it was her dream to come to America to learn and experince different people and cultures. low and behold 2 years later after we met she is able to come to English school in LA, which gave us a chance to met for the first time. She admited ehr feelings for me, which I also felt, but had hidden. After I flew to LA(with my mother), we instantly fell in love and we became a real couple after that. After our few days together, we relized that we were in love and she vowled to return back to America for college and a career and for me.
Almost another year passes and after 100 of phone cards and 1000s of hours of talking on the phone EVERYDAY we are STILL a close couple. Everyday she tells me that she really loves me and we talk about out dream together to open a studio someday. We want to get married after we once again met each other after a VERY passionate 2 weeks(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex)
(deep sex). We both promised each other all our trust, all our love, all our loyality as we both believe we both truely love each other and have a real future together. She now grew to relieze her dream in the fashion industry could be reliezed as things began to work in our favor and her family got money and she passed her tofel test(after 3 tries).
This last June, our dream is relized as she begins fashion school in LA and is quickly happamered with school work and such. We do not have much time to talk on the phone as she is busy mantianing her postion as top of the class(as myself also). This is understandable, as I know how busy school is. We visit each other yet again for another passionate week 11 weeks later.
This last quater, I began to notice something strange, as she was not longer telling me "I love you" any more to me and was only talking about school work and what her friends were doing. She refused to talk abotu "us" or me, or anything romatnic in general. Naturally I questioned her as why she was acting this way. She told me that having a boyfriend destracts her from her work mentality and she cant focus. This i can understand as well. But I asked her this question.. "If someone ask you if you have a boyfriend, what will you say?". she told me, "I will say that I do not.". I was shocked! She then told me she wanted to be only friends. I tried to understand, as I thought I was too much pressure on her, so I said.. "ok, but promise me that you will come back to me..". she told me that she could not promise me anything! How could she say that?! I even promised not to call her until she was workfree, and not to annoy her, but she still refused to promise me that will have a romatic relationship in the future after she was done working. She did not even want me as a boyfriend in name!
Maybe this sounds selfish, but after almost 5 years of her promising her real love to me, her loyality, her heart, and a future together, NOW she not can not promise me anything?!? I know she has such a strong will and I will not stand in front of her dream, but she then tells me that she is so selfish and that I should find another girlfriend as she is not the right girl for for me and I will have a sad life with her. How could she say this to me after all I have done for her? Since the begining, I have helped her fight her way to America.
For 3 years I would wake up every night at 3-5 am just to talk to her for 3-4 hours even when I was in the middle of a project EVERYDAY. I would send her helpful tools for her tofel test, I would study with her by phone, I would coach her when her confidence was low, and truely believed and supported everything she did. She told me I was the only one that coudl understand her, and i also felt she was the only one that coudl understand me. She told me she trusted me more then her own family, as I did to her. She told me she never loved anyone as deep as me, as I did to her. We both lived without sex(real) for all this time, but we stayed loyal to each other no matter what as we truely believed in each other.
And now, she simply says... "sorry". I asked her when was the last time she even felt romatnic or "naughty" and she tells me she cant remember. I asked her if there was someone else in her life(a guy) and she says "no". But now she cant promise me that she wont fall in love with another man in the future and she says that if we truely love each other, she will simply leave it up to disteny.
We had planned all along that as soon as we graduated college, that I will move to LA and we will begin our lives together as we have hoped and dreamed for 5 years. Now she tells me not to move to LA at all, and onyl move to LA for my own career and not for her. Of course I did not take to this news from her at all well and I broke down on the phoen with her as I NEVER heard her say such things before to me.
I felt so betrayed and so hurt. She started to tell me things like she has felt jealous of me and that all this time she was trying so hard to beat me and to become better then me! This was the reason she would tell me of her achivments; to shich I would ALWAYS tell her I was so proud of her. Then she tells me that i am not proud of her at all(which is a LIE!) and that she has always felt so stupid compared to me becuase I was always right and she was always wrong about everything. She told me that she reliezed that I make her lazy, becuase she explained that since I help her, I made her lazy(which is NOT true because she has done so much where it was impossible for me to help her!) Things esscalated into a near argument and of course I freaked out and said some demeaning stuff to her as I was very emotional until she told me "I do not think I can talk to you anymore" so cold, calm and with no emotion at all. I then asked her "do you still love me?", and she said in the calmist voice..."..no". before she hung up the phone on me, she told me do not call her back.
I am completely heartbroken.
After all I have done for her. After all we have been through together to get her to this point. After meeting my parents and my parents excepting her. My mom loves her so much, and I was always so proud of her, I really am. After all the loyality and hardships we both endured. All the support I gave her and the dreams we dream together. After all the sex i ONLY gave her, after everything I have only done for her... After years of demanding more love and passion to her, After the real love I gave her.
She does this to me? I am sorry this was a long read(to those of you that read it), but compared to the long version, this story is a 15th as long as the real story that is about 20 times more complicated. But what do I do? She mentioned that for me to just give her time, but the thing was she could not tell me how long, so I was scared. I did not want to except the "lets be friends thing" as i know girls use this as a way to indirectly break-up(?) so I kept trying to change her mind(which I failed). I am just in shock and have not eatened anything in 3 days. I have not drank anything for 2 days. I have not left my bed for 3 days. I am completly destroyed right now.
I had put every hope and dream on that girl, my entire future(as she told me had too). together we had already planned our future together, a dream. EVERYTHING was going ok! The hardest part of our dream was over(she has a 6 year visa for America so she has lefted Japan). I only had 6 MONTHS until i could move to LA. Everything was just a matter of carring out our dream. ..Now... It's over?
Just like that? Our dream, the one she made me invest my entire self in, The serious relationship that i had invested all my engery in for 5 years?
In just 5 hours, my world completely collapsed . Overnight our relationship seems to no longer exist. HOW? WHY? was every promise by her false? Was every "I love only you" from her a lie? Was everything for nothing?! What did I do wrong? Was everything my fault? Was I not listening to her? Did she really hate me all this time? Am I too selfish?
Now I find myself lost without her without warning, I find myself without a future that had always been so clear and certain. I find myself with no light at the end of the tunnel. I find myself betrayed. I hate her so much, but I can not hate her, because my love for her is too strong. Everything I beleive in has failed. Everything I was fighting for and working so hard for has no meaning.
Help me, what do I do? Do I wait for her to contact me again? Do I drive to LA and confrotn her face to face? Do I tell her i will revenge her? Do I write her a sorry letter begging her to become friends again? Do I simply try to find another warm body to comfort me(It is impossible to just "forget her, and move on at this point"? Or do I more simply just kill myself?
Please, I need all your help, I will read every coment and take everything seriously to heart. thank you, I am sorry if I have caused your day to become depressing or cause trouble for you any in way.
Yeah sorry to hear that man, you definitely got USED. Women will try to say their feelings changed, they have grown as a person, they are older now and know more what they want, more busy with work/school than they used to be, etc. All excuses to try to make themselves feel better about using you.
Its what happens to "nice guys". You meet a girl who needs your help or is in a bad situation. You spend lots of time and effort helping her out to get what she needs, thinking that your end result will be her gratitude and undying love. But thats not really the way relationships work. You would THINK that she would be grateful for what you have done and maybe somewhere inside she is, but that doesnt transfer into her thinking that she owes you something relationship wise in return. Some of these delusional women even think of it as them giving you the "opportunity" to spend some time with them and be part of their life for a while as full payment for your help. To me that is crap.
Dont expect being a "nice guy" will get you anything other than a thank you at best and a broken heart at worst. If you want a real relationship you have to make sure it is even, not just you giving and her taking which is what happened here. Because once everything gets better and they are in a good situation, then they forget where they came from and now have this idea that they deserve better than you because THEY are better now.
They forget that they are only better now thanks to YOU and YOUR EFFORTS for them because now that they are in a good situation, have more confidence, etc the "bad boys" are now coming around to get them, so they cant be bothered with you anymore. Bad boys are smooth, they wait for some nice guy to take care of all her problems, help her financially, improve her situation, etc THEN they come swooping in for the kill. So no point in being nice like that, all you are doing is making the girl look attractive to someone else, and you arent going to be able to keep her anyway in the end so let someone else do all the work and effort.
So guys dont put all this effort into something without getting some returns as you go along. Dont keep doing and doing expecting a big payoff in the end. Treat it just like work, you work for 2 weeks, you get paid. Its not like you work for 5 years THEN get paid right? If you keep giving most women will keep taking. You gotta make it clear that once you have done a certain amount of things for them, that if they want more things, payment is due.
Otherwise once they get to where they want to be, they will forget all about what you have done to get them where they are. So if you are getting things back along the way that are even to what you are giving then at least if that happens at the end you wont feel sooooo bad about it, right? You gave, you got. But it sucks when you gave and when it is time to get, suddenly her "feelings changed" and you get nothing.
There have already been some good responses. As Hakuman said never spend money on girls... hey I've gone out with girls that have told me they owe me dinner and then they expect me to pay, haha.
You did get used. I have been in your position at times and i have been the other guy that all the other guys hate more. When a girl pulls this stuff on you, you must remember that it is not a personal criticism of who you are but rather of how she views you which is most likely quite wrong and distorted by other factors. There is any number of reasons why a woman may pull these types of stunts or in some cases there isn't a reason at all actually. I can understand why women do it, as im friends with women that do it to other guys, the most simple explanation is that her moods do change. Obviously since this was a penpal type thing you didn't have many options.
However in other situations in the future where you do have options you generally have to anticipate it and judge the woman from a negative and positive perspective. In those cases strike quick and when all the emotions are intense. Think of it as a game in which you are trying to push up the intensity as quick as you can. At the same time don't hold out for one woman, always be on the lookout even if that includes girls she knows, hell even her friends if you meet one you really like. UNTIL YOU HAVE SEX WITH HER THEN YOU ARE SINGLE. Ofcourse in such situations she may react and try to show the other girls that she 'owns' you which will give you another indication of her personality. I can tell you a story to explain what I mean but lata.
Basically look at it this way, you met her, it's all good, then she says something like this to come take you out, "Im really busy at moment, I enjoy being single, I don't want a bf, I want to be just friends!". In such a situation I suggest keep on going as it is essentially a test especially when a girl says this in a intimate situation however if she still is resisting then too bad for her, you put your arse on the line and you proved yourself to her and if she isn't capable of proving herself back then go find some other woman that will.
It is surprising actually how many women will still retain feelings for you (even when you think they don't n treat you bad) and therefore it is good just to keep them on the backburner, even if that means friends (ie. don't do anything for her, just say hi, joke, laugh, smile when around her, generally be a cool guy and comfortable), make her go clubbing with you and pick up girls. Ofcourse be dating other women all the time and you will be surprised by what alot of women will do when the work it out. Ie. they may tell their friends they aren't interested in you but then one hour later be holding you tight and rocking to the music with you. And hopefully this time she will have realised that she has to prove herself too otherwise she can enjoy being on the backburner again getting limited attention and dating lame guys. Ofcourse she could always meet a cool guy so good for him and her. Judge people by their actions not their words.
Finally only give as much as you are willing to give and also lose! By giving a girl alot of your attention and time you are making an investment so make sure you are getting what you want out of it and this applies to girls you talk to on the net aswell.
Either way you are young as am I and stay well and just be positive and cool if you ever actually meet this girl in the future cause she did invest feelings in you and given the right situation you may be surprised at what happens. She would have wondered what it would have been like to be with you and may be interested to try it even if she is taken at the time.
I don't know how to live
But I've got alot of toys...
|
|
|
"Re(4):Help! Seeking advice" , posted Thu 7 Dec 03:28
