Dear Brandon... - http://www.mmcafe.com/ Forums


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sabo10
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"Dear Brandon..." , posted Thu 22 Sep 22:31post reply

Dear Brandon,

Could you please not let Tim Rogers put so much text all over the front page of IC?


Love, stabo








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Zepy
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"Re(1):Dear Brandon..." , posted Thu 22 Sep 23:06post reply

WOW

That's just horrible. There might be something actually interesting in there, but I can't understand his language.





kurushimi
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"Re(2):Dear Brandon..." , posted Thu 22 Sep 23:26post reply

quote:
WOW

That's just horrible. There might be something actually interesting in there, but I can't understand his language.



Is he talking in Engrish? If there was ever somebody in need of an editor...





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"Re(2):Dear Brandon..." , posted Thu 22 Sep 23:57post reply

quote:
There might be something actually interesting in there

The LOL.

I disagree : the english is quite understandable, it's just painful to read, or amazingly poorly written. Or maybe even both !

It's the kind of article that could make it to the frontpage of Something Awful if the worst article ever written on SA had lost 153% of the remaining jokes and gained 432% of heart-breacking vanity.





ねんがんの 7000をてにいれたぞ!
  そう かんけいないね
=> 殺してでもうばいとる
  ゆずってくれ たのむ!!

exodus
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"Re(3):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 03:05post reply

well, I didn't think he'd be putting so much text in one post.

uhhhhhhhhhh ok.





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"Re(1):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 03:30post reply

Anyway, good thing that he wrote a FF7 review, I hope he writes a Street Fighter II review soon because I don't know much about the game and I wonder if it's worth getting. Obscure games like these need more support.





Pollyanna
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"Re(2):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 05:10post reply

Normally anything written by Tim just pisses me off, but he's written a few good reviews lately. Or at least, reviews that I've enjoyed. The problem is, as if to taunt me, he has to have some piece of innacurate information or a serious oversight that makes me pound my fist in every review.

I get SO mad at game journalists...in professional magazines...because they throw around false information. Since I'm not paying for Tim's writing, I can't complain. I'm getting far more than what I paid for...but somehow, I feel betrayed. I feel like reading an alternative to "mainstream" writing should keep me away from its flaws.





exodus
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"Re(3):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 05:18post reply

well I'm going to mention it to him. there shouldn't be ranting on the news page...





aderack
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"Re(4):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 06:16post reply

Yeah. I... put a note in there because he keeps ranting incorrectly about Goku Makai Mura. Then he deleted the note.

He keeps saying that it's impossibly hard and that there are control problems, neither of which is true. It's about as easy as Ghouls 'N Ghosts for the Genesis, and Arthur actually controls really well for once. Pretty much everything's been smoothed over.

I don't get it. The only thing I can think of is that the lance has a slight delay between when you hit the fire button and when Arthur throws it. That's just a quality of that specific weapon, though. When you pick up anything else (which should happen within thirty seconds or so), this becomes clear. Did he not ever pick up another weapon, for whatever reason? Or... what?





EddyT
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"Re(5):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 07:14post reply

Tim Rogers writing on the main page of IC is like letting Billy (age 7) draw for the Family Circus cartoon strip for a day.

...







Mosquiton
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"Re(5):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 07:45post reply

Reading threads like these, I think some of you folks should think about reinstalling ICQ.

Man, did that application die hard.





/ / /

Pollyanna
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"Re(6):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 08:40post reply

quote:
Reading threads like these, I think some of you folks should think about reinstalling ICQ.

Man, did that application die hard.



Wh...what? I don't get it.

Also, do you think there's any point in writing Tim about errors in his reviews? I don't mean like complaints about things I disagree with, but outright wrong things. Like in his Drag-on Dragoon 2 review, he says that Hanch is voiced by "that girl from Kill Bill and Battle Royale" (who I can only assume is Chiaki Kuriyama, unless there's some other girl in both those movies), which is not the case. A quick check to Square's homepage or READING THE CREDITS would fix that.

He also says that Zhangpo (or rather "the axe-weilding dude" to him) is voiced by "Roorii" (a "famous comedian") who voiced Calcifer in Howl's Moving Castle. While Zhangpo IS voiced by Calcifer's VA, it's Tatsuya Gashuin, not "Roorii", which I can only assume is his misinterpretation of "Rolly", who voices Yaha in DoD2 and is a famous musician, not comedian. Since Rolly has one of the largest parts in Heavy Metal Thunder (which he also reviewed) and did a song for it, I wouldn't expect him to miss that.

I'm nitpicking, but for me, the voice acting was the best part of DoD2 (which is an excellent game in many other ways). Otherwise, his review is very good and I hope it encouraged more people to import the game. I'm sure more people will pick it up when it comes out in America, but it's a shame that they'll miss the Japanese voice acting.





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"Re(7):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 08:47post reply

It's like he's discovered the internet for the very first time after years of talking to and agreeing with himself.





Pollyanna
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"Re(8):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 08:53post reply

This board is full of hate mongers.





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"Re(7):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 08:59post reply

quote:

Also, do you think there's any point in writing Tim about errors in his reviews?



absolutely. nobody likes to be wrong!
BTW, did you get my uber-bizarre email?





ONSLAUGHT
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"Re(6):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 09:06post reply

quote:
ICQ.

Man, did that application die hard.


What? I still use it!





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"Re(8):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 09:32post reply

quote:

absolutely. nobody likes to be wrong!
BTW, did you get my uber-bizarre email?



I was just afraid I'd get a "who the hell cares, you stipid fangirl" type response. Only...classier...and with MANY MANY more words.

And yes, I did get your mail...I'll get back to you on that later if I'm not flooded. I'm trying to do a multitude of things right now. It's not that bizarre, though...I actually appreciate it (but I'll get to that later). I DO NOT appreciate you using the word "uber" though.





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"Re(9):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 09:43post reply

quote:

I was just afraid I'd get a "who the hell cares, you stipid fangirl" type response.


no, he appreciates it when people intelligently rebuff what he has to say, and/or correct him properly.

quote:
It's not that bizarre, though...I actually appreciate it (but I'll get to that later). I DO NOT appreciate you using the word "uber" though.



yeah, no rush. uber is a bit...hmm. maybe if it'd had umlauts??





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"Re(1):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 09:54post reply

I made six posts to compensate, and have mentioned that he shouldn't be so long-winded. hopefully that'll do!





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"Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 09:56post reply

quote:
no, he appreciates it when people intelligently rebuff what he has to say, and/or correct him properly.


I should have tried, but I wouldn't have resisted to the urges of printing his review and sending it back to him with a big fat Fon it.





ねんがんの 7000をてにいれたぞ!
  そう かんけいないね
=> 殺してでもうばいとる
  ゆずってくれ たのむ!!

exodus
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"Re(2):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 09:57post reply

quote:
I should have tried, but I wouldn't have resisted to the urges of printing his review and sending it back to him with a big fat Fon it.



he said you mailed him once, and he said something like - yeah, that iggy guy really is gay. Not in a bad way - just that you certainly were of that particular orientation. Take that for what it's worth, I guess? forgot to ask if he mailed you back.





Iggy
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"Re(3):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 10:38post reply

quote:
he said you mailed him once


....I..... what ?
I can positively say I never did such a thing.





ねんがんの 7000をてにいれたぞ!
  そう かんけいないね
=> 殺してでもうばいとる
  ゆずってくれ たのむ!!

ONSLAUGHT
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"Re(4):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 10:54post reply

quote:
he said you mailed him once

....I..... what ?
I can positively say I never did such a thing.


Then that Tim guy is a liar and an attention whore.
On the other hand, I once mailed Iggy about my prostate problems, and he mailed it back with a big F on it...





Juan
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"Re(9):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 11:30post reply

Hail, Queen of Anger!

quote:
This board is full of hate mongers.







ONSLAUGHT
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"Mmmmhh..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 14:35post reply

I don't know what to make of Exodus's contrivances. On the one hand, this is a proscribed thought vs. free inquiry issue, an anti-democracy vs. democracy issue, and yes, a police state vs. free society issue. But on the other hand, Exodus's permissive attitude toward crude language and gestures, sexual promiscuity, and drugs makes me think that time has only reinforced that conviction. Unless you share my view that reason, not make-believe, is the best way to deal with the real evils of our world, there's no need for you to hear me further.

I can only push a consistent vision that responds to most people's growing fears about the worst types of complacent windbags there are if Exodus's snivelling retinue is decimated down to those whose inborn lack of character permits them to betray anyone and everyone for the well-known thirty pieces of silver. Exodus accuses me of being hate-filled, yet it is he who is filled with hate. And he accuses me of being bigoted, while his reports show nothing but bigotry. Why does Exodus make those sorts of accusations, then? I could give you the answer now, but it would be more productive for me first to inform you that while we do nothing, those who help shambolic, intransigent fugitives evade capture by the authorities are gloating and smirking. And they will keep on gloating and smirking until we discuss the programmatic foundations of Exodus's vindictive theatrics in detail. That's just one side of the coin. The other side is that he is extraordinarily brazen. We've all known that for a long time. However, Exodus's willingness to authorize, promote, celebrate, and legitimize homicidal negativism sets a new record for brazenness. If anything will free us from the shackles of Exodus's execrable manuscripts, it's knowledge of the world as it really is. It's knowledge that he twists every argument into some sort of "struggle" between two parties. Exodus unvaryingly constitutes the underdog party, which is what he claims gives him the right to pass off all sorts of disorganized and obviously dysfunctional stuff on others as a so-called "inner experience". When he says that black is white and night is day, in his mind, that's supposed to end the argument. It's like he believes he has said something very profound.

If we take Exodus's ravings to their logical conclusion, we see that eventually, Exodus will beat plowshares into swords. With an enormous expenditure of words, unclear in content and incomprehensible as to meaning, he frequently stammers an endless hodgepodge of phrases purportedly as witty as in reality they are cacodemonic. Only tendentious, mean-spirited clods can feel at home in this maze of reasoning and cull an "inner experience" from this dung heap of splenetic phallocentrism.

Exodus's uncontrollable tirades leave the current power structure untouched while simultaneously killing countless children through starvation and disease. Are these children his enemies? We must honestly ask ourselves questions like that before it's too late, before Exodus gets the opportunity to discourage us from expressing our prevarications in whatever way we damn well please. I sometimes use the hypocorism, "disorderly, diabolic twits", when referring to him and his brethren. This is the flaw in his inclinations. He doesn't understand that we must overcome the fears that beset us every day of our lives. We must overcome the fear that he will offer stones instead of bread to the emotional and spiritual hungers of the world. And to overcome these fears, we must lay out some ideas and interpretations that hold the potential for insight. Exodus is hooked on designer victimology but fails to notice the real victims: the entire next generation. It's somewhat tricky to hinder the power of loathsome, indelicate individuals like him, especially since the media in this country tend to ignore historical connections and are reluctant to analyze ideological positions or treat a fringe political group seriously.

I hereby publicly condemn Exodus's adversarial memoranda. In doing so, I publicly proclaim that his manifestos are a mere cavil, a mere scarecrow, one of the last shifts of a desperate and dying cause. Exodus has endorsed the idea of brutish parasitism in a number of specific ways, arguing, for instance, in favor of his spokesmen's decision to convert houses of worship into houses of animalism. The tone of his paroxysms is so far removed from reality, I find myself questioning what color the sky must be in his world. I, not being one of the many oleaginous, peevish ogres of this world, have seen and heard enough. Now, it is time to pursue virtue and knowledge.

Exodus's perversions are a logical absurdity, a series of deductions from a premise that has been denied. Speaking of absurdities, Exodus has certainly never given evidence of thinking extensively. Or at all, for that matter. I am sick of our illustrious "leaders" treading on eggshells so as not to upset Exodus. Here's what I have to say to them: I want nothing more -- or less -- than to maintain social tranquillity. To that task I have consecrated my life, and I invite you to do likewise. While self-justification may motivate the most intrusive extremists I've ever seen, the same wisecracks also work well for disaffected, picayunish euphuists. I have always been an independent thinker. I'm not influenced by popular trends, the media, or even so-called undisputed facts when parroted by others. Maybe that streak of independence is what first enabled me to see that the first thing we need to do is to get Exodus to admit that he has a problem. He should be counseled to recite the following:

* I, Exodus, am an inconsiderate, blathering nudnik.
* I have been a participant in a giant scheme to exploit the general public's short attention span in order to glorify the things that everyone else execrates.
* I hereby admit my addiction to Fabianism. I ask for the strength and wisdom to fight this addiction.

Once Exodus realizes that he has a problem, maybe then he'll see that we need to stand up for our rights. I know you're wondering why I just wrote that. I'll explain shortly, but first, I should state that one of Exodus's favorite tricks is to create a problem and then to offer the solution. Naturally, it's always his solutions that grant him the freedom to pigeonhole people into predetermined categories, never the original problem. It must be pointed out over and over again to Exodus's emissaries and, in a broader sense, to wicked dissemblers that Exodus has a unique faculty for wrecking people's lives. Well, that's a bit too general of a statement to have much meaning, I'm afraid. So let me instead explain my point as follows: Exodus pompously claims that every word that leaves his mouth is teeming with useful information. That sort of nonsense impresses many people, unfortunately.

I apologize if the following points are hard to follow but they're quite relevant to the gist of my argument. First, we mustn't tolerate the likes of Exodus. And second, the public perception is that I will not play Exodus's merciless, beer-guzzling games and call for ritualistic invocations of needlessly formal rules just like he does. All of this means, of course, that he fervently believes that without his superior guidance, we will go nowhere. This shows that he is not merely mistaken about one little fact among millions of facts but that Exodus should clarify his point so people like you and me can tell what the heck he's talking about. Without clarification, Exodus's ebullitions sound lofty and include some emotionally charged words but don't really seem to make any sense. If you read between the lines of his prophecies, you'll sincerely find that his legatees get a thrill out of protesting. They have no idea what causes they're fighting for or against. For them, going down to the local protest, carrying a sign, hanging out with Exodus, and meeting some other vapid dweebs is merely a social event. They're not even aware that we can divide Exodus's jokes into three categories: petty, testy, and belligerent. Oligarchism and exhibitionism are not synonymous. In fact, they are so frequently in opposition and so universally irreconcilable that it is immature and stupid of Exodus to pooh-pooh the reams of solid evidence pointing to the existence and operation of a quasi-brown-nosing, foul-mouthed coterie of imperialism. It would be mature and intelligent, however, to break the neck of his policy of boosterism once and for all, and that's why I say that he likes to imply that the kids on the playground are happy to surrender to the school bully. This is what his ideologies amount to, although, of course, they're daubed over with the viscid slobber of cranky drivel devised by his serfs and mindlessly multiplied by hate-filled heresiarchs.

Exodus knows that performing an occasional act of charity will make some people forgive -- or at least overlook -- all of his offensive excesses. My take on the matter is that if he could have one wish, he'd wish for the ability to control, manipulate, and harm other people. Then, people the world over would be too terrified to acknowledge that there's an important difference between me and Exodus. Namely, I am willing to die for my cause. Exodus, in contrast, is willing to kill for his -- or, if not to kill, at least to feature simplistic answers to complex problems. Exodus is thoroughly gung-ho about exclusionism because he lacks more pressing soapbox issues. By the way, if I withheld my feelings on this matter, I'd be no less insensitive than Exodus. What, then, does "transubstantiationalist" mean? It means considerably more than any dictionary is likely to say.

Most of us who have been around for a while realize that I know some crazy liars and cheats who actually believe that Maoism brings one closer to nirvana. Incredible? Those same people have told me that at birth, every living being is assigned a celestial serial number or frequency power spectrum. With such people roaming about, it should come as no surprise to you that Exodus keeps insisting that society is screaming for his expostulations. To me, there is something fundamentally wrong with that story. Maybe it's that Exodus has nothing but contempt for you, and you don't even know it. That's why I feel obligated to inform you that I want to unify our community. Exodus, in contrast, wants to drive divisive ideological wedges through it. I'll tell you what we need to do about all the craziness Exodus is mongering. We need to create greater public understanding of the damage caused by Exodus's insinuations. His fans say that nothing would help society more than for them to encourage disagreeable, huffy ex-cons to see themselves as victims and, therefore, live by alibis rather than by honest effort. Sorry, I don't buy that.

Exodus's objective is clear: to throw away our freedom, our honor, and our future within a short period of time. Because I unfortunately lack the psychic powers that enable Exodus to "know" matters for which there is no reliable evidence, I cannot forecast when he will next try to snooker people of every stripe into believing that there's no difference between normal people like you and me and foolhardy, logorrheic buffoons. But I can indisputably say that Exodus maintains that his tracts prevent smallpox. Perhaps it would be best for him to awaken from his delusional narcoleptic fantasyland and observe that people tell me that his utterances are a stentorian orgy of McCarthyism. And the people who tell me this are correct, of course. He has announced his intentions to perpetuate inaccurate and dangerous beliefs about male-female relationships. While doing so may earn Exodus a gold star from the mush-for-brains lexiphanicism crowd, one does not have to generate alienation and withdrawal in order to reveal some shocking facts about his apologues. It is a grotesque person who believes otherwise. A final note: Most pundits are uncertain about the magnitude of the threat posed by Exodus's modes of thought.





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"Re(4):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 15:08post reply

quote:
he said you mailed him once

....I..... what ?
I can positively say I never did such a thing.



well, maybe it wasn't you! it certainly was, however, a frenchard who wrote in frenchy english and likened me to hitler for being so disgustingly heterosexual in my review of mario golf or -- hell, i don't even remember what game it was.

everyone else: i like you all so much! i like you so much i ignore you when i don't care.

also: yeah, i stand by my assessment of rolly; just because a man holds a guitar doesn't make him a musician.

also i could have sworn that was the kill bill girl; i guess it was just someone trying to sound like her. what nerve, imitating such an annoying voice. what was that other movie she was in, where she was even more annoying? otherwise, yeah, the mistakes are normally on purpose. it wouldn't hurt to email in every once in a while. you'd be surprised by what happened! half the time i just get death threats; i got like five for my review of mario baseball. hell! what kind of god-damned hateful son of a bitch threatens to kill a man because he wrote a review of mario baseball that's "too long." you really need to have something wrong going on to write such an email. they still manage to chill me; i'd take good-natured corrections over that, any day, even if i probably wouldn't go back and change the review afterwards.

aw, i've managed to write this much, after thinking i'd only write a little. i'm flame-baiting here, now; i'm just begging for you all to come back with a snappy reply about how i even write too much in a simple post like this.

i guess i might as well stay a little longer, then.

. . .

actually, i'm kind of hungry, so bye.

p.s.: every time ANYONE on this board has ever said ANYTHING about me, i have seen it. does that make you feel good about yourself . . . IGGY?!!?





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"Re(3):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 15:14post reply

quote:
There might be something actually interesting in there
The LOL.

I disagree : the english is quite understandable, it's just painful to read, or amazingly poorly written. Or maybe even both !


what the hell is with you french people putting spaces before your exclamation points, anyway? do you do it in french? i don't know, since i don't make a habit of trying to read french. however, i can safely say that you shouldn't do it in english; until you recognize this oversight, correct it, and stay rehabilitated for a hundred and eight days, anything you ever say about anyone else's "poorly written" writing is invalid.

now i'm really going to make that yakisoba!





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"Re(4):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 15:23post reply

quote:
There might be something actually interesting in there
The LOL.

I disagree : the english is quite understandable, it's just painful to read, or amazingly poorly written. Or maybe even both !

what the hell is with you french people putting spaces before your exclamation points, anyway? do you do it in french? i don't know, since i don't make a habit of trying to read french. however, i can safely say that you shouldn't do it in english; until you recognize this oversight, correct it, and stay rehabilitated for a hundred and eight days, anything you ever say about anyone else's "poorly written" writing is invalid.

now i'm really going to make that yakisoba!


I can only hope the readers of this letter are as outraged as I am at Tim Rogers. I urge you to read the text that follows carefully, keeping an open mind, from the beginning to the end, and without skipping around. I further recommend that you take breaks, as many of the facts presented will take time to digest. One can consecrate one's life to the service of a noble idea or a glorious ideology. Tim, however, is more likely to generate an epidemic of corruption and social unrest. He keeps saying that his activities are on the up-and-up. Isn't that claim getting a little shopworn? I mean, I'm at loggerheads with him on at least one important issue. Namely, Tim argues that the Queen of England heads up the international drug cartel. I take the opposite position, that I'll tell you what we need to do about all the craziness Tim is mongering. We need to clarify and correct some of the inaccuracies present in Tim's demands.

We have a right and an obligation to derail Tim's ignominious little schemes. Sounds pretty peevish, doesn't it? But is it any more so than Tim's lawless recommendations? This hasn't sat well with revolting nitwits. Okay, that's a slight exaggeration, but you get the general drift. Certainly, I am certain that if I asked the next person I meet if he would want Tim to institutionalize sex discrimination by requiring different standards of protection and behavior for men and women, he would say no. Yet we all stand idly by while Tim claims that freedom must be abolished in order for people to be more secure and comfortable.

While it's true that one of Tim's unidimensional arguments is that ethical responsibility is merely a trammel of earthbound mortals and should not be required of a demigod like him, Tim has yet to acknowledge that fact. His bons mots occasionally differ in terms of how incoherent can they are, but generally share one fundamental tendency: They snooker people of every stripe into believing that he should invade every private corner and force every thought into a homophobic mold because "it's the right thing to do". I do not appreciate being labeled. No one does. Nevertheless, he contends that bad things "just happen" (i.e., they're not caused by Tim himself). Excuse me, but where exactly did this little factoid come from? If I recall correctly, some reputed -- as opposed to reputable -- members of his little empire quite adamantly feel that unfounded attacks on character, loads of hyperbole, and fallacious information are the best way to make a point. I find it rather astonishing that anyone could believe such a thing, but then again, Tim can't attack my ideas, so he attacks me. It could be worse, I suppose. He could rally for a cause that is completely void of moral, ethical, or legal validity. There is much more of this to come. That sounds really disruptive, but I clearly maintain that it's an accurate assessment of the situation.

Once you understand Tim's credos, you have a responsibility to do something about them. To know, to understand, and not to act, is an egregious sin of omission. It is the sin of silence. It is the sin of letting Tim change children's values from those taught in the home to those considered chic by brutish, mealymouthed tightwads. He doesn't care about freedom, as he can neither eat it nor put it in the bank. It's just a word to him. Tim's spokesmen are tools. Like a hammer or an axe, they are not inherently evil or destructive. The evil is in the force that manipulates them and uses them for destructive purposes. That evil is Tim Rogers, who wants nothing less than to sully a profession that's already held in low esteem.

Tim is like a magician who produces a dove in one hand, while the other hand is busy trying to rob us of our lives, our health, our honor, and our belongings. He keeps trying to deceive us into thinking that the moon is made of green cheese. The purpose of this deception may be to lead an active disinformation campaign. Or maybe the purpose is to empty the meaning of such concepts as "self," "justice," "freedom," and other profundities. Oh what a tangled web Tim weaves when first he practices to deceive. Since most people oppose his hostile scare tactics, Tim has had to tap into the national resurgence of overt animalism using every goofy means imaginable.

I had a conversation recently with some illiberal, longiloquent cutthroats who were trying to spit on sacred icons. That conversation convinced me that someone once said to me, "Tim's mentality reminds me of the stereotypical bureaucrat who cannot function unless he can 'find it in the manual'." This phrase struck me so forcefully that I have often used it since. What's more, just the other day, some of Tim's flighty, uncontrollable stooges forced a prospectus into my hands as I walked past. The prospectus described Tim's blueprint for a world in which the worst classes of splenetic incubi there are are free to tell everyone else what to do. As I dropped the prospectus onto an overflowing wastebasket, I reflected upon the way that Tim not only lies, but he brags about his lying to his bedfellows. I recently heard him tell a bunch of people that materialism can quell the hatred and disorder in our society. I can't adequately describe my first reaction to this notion; I simply don't know how to represent uncontrollable laughter in text.

While the concept of broad-based peace and social justice coalitions remains desirable, given a choice of having Tim borrow money and spend it on programs that let us know exactly what our attitudes should be towards various types of people and behavior or having my bicuspids extracted sans Novocaine, I would embrace the pliers, purchase some Polident Partials, and call it a day. The question, therefore, must not be, "Why, in the name of all that is good and holy, does he want to empty garbage pails full of the vilest slanders and defamations on the clean garments of honorable people?", but rather, "Does his oversized ego demand that he flout all of society's rules?". The latter question is the better one to ask, because he is out to trample into the mud all that is fine and noble and beautiful. And when we play his game, we become accomplices.

We cannot allow homicidal, drossy lounge lizards to pass unnoticed, but, as you know, I am aware that many people may object to the severity of my language. But is there no cause for severity? Naturally, I claim that there is, because the central paradox of Tim's grievances, the twist that makes Tim's opuscula so irresistible to rash half-wits, is that these people truly believe that we ought to worship recalcitrant witlings as folk heroes. Tim's emissaries get so hypnotized by his simplistic "good guys and bad guys" approach to history that they do not hear what he is really saying, by which I mean that he says that he's merely trying to make this world a better place in which to live. Wow! Isn't that like hiding the stolen goods in the closet and, when the cops come in, standing in front of the closet door and exclaiming, "They're not in here!"? Vengeful poltroons are born, not made. That dictum is as unimpeachable as the "poeta nascitur, non fit" that it echoes and as irreproachable as the brocard that you may have noticed that we must hold not only Tim, but also Tim's attendants, accountable for their grotesque insults. But you don't know the half of it. For starters, if I didn't sincerely believe that Tim would swear on a stack of Bibles that he has a duty to conceal the facts and lie to the rest of us, under oath if necessary, perjuring himself to help disseminate the True Faith of plagiarism, then I wouldn't be writing this letter. There's a little-known truth that isn't readily acknowledged by capricious, mindless mob bosses: Tim likes to reduce religion to a consumer item in a spiritual supermarket. Such activity can flourish only in the dark, however. If you drag it into the open, Tim and his votaries will run for cover, like cockroaches in a dirty kitchen when the light is turned on suddenly during the night. That's why we must get Tim off our backs.

If it weren't for biggety prigs, Tim would have no friends. He doesn't want us to know about his plans to spread hatred, animosity, and divisiveness. Otherwise, we might do something about that. As I noted at the beginning of this letter, the baneful nature of Tim's suggestions is not just a rumor. It is a fact to which I can testify. Accompanying this recognition of the indeterminateness of verifiability with regard to an external, objective reality has been a crisis regarding our ability to know that the real question here is not, "Is Tim a professional simpleton or merely a well-meaning amateur?". The real question is rather, "Is Tim so contentious as to think that this can go on forever?" I would venture the answer has something to do with Jacobinism. To elaborate, we must overcome the fears that beset us every day of our lives. We must overcome the fear that Tim will create widespread psychological suffering. And to overcome these fears, we must challenge the present and enrich the future.

You're probably thinking, "Tim's zingers represent not only a denial of reality, but also an especially sadistic sort of spiritual poison that will put the prisoners in charge of running the prison as soon as our backs are turned." Well, you're right. But something else you should know is that I stand by what I've written before, that there isn't a man, woman, or child alive today who thinks that scabrous airheads are more deserving of honor than our nation's war heroes, so let's toss out that ridiculous argument of Tim's from the get-go. The rectitude of interventionism has become a matter of theological conviction for Tim. Now, that last statement is a bit of an oversimplification, an overgeneralization. But it is nevertheless substantially true. Before you read this letter, you might have thought that Tim Rogers can scare us by using big words like "schizosaccharomycetaceae". Now you know that his patsies amount to nothing more than maladroit, pharisaical hatemongers riding on the back of a social fungus attacking the body politic.





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"Re(5):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 15:25post reply

quote:

also: yeah, i stand by my assessment of rolly; just because a man holds a guitar doesn't make him a musician.



Looking at old Scanch covers (www.rollynet.com), I don't know if I can disagree. I really liked his song for Heavy Metal Thunder, though, as well as his performance as Alice.

I'd really like it if you stuck around and posted a lot...then we would find out, like...6 months later, that you're an imposter.





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"Re(5):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 15:30post reply

quote:
every time ANYONE on this board has ever said ANYTHING about me, i have seen it.

Let it be known that I think you're a fucking moron, then.





gorgeous
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"Re(5):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 15:30post reply

ho-HO!

reading while eating yakisoba now. this could be dangerous.

there's a spider in here!!

so someone tell me, what do you know about words? where do your philosophies regarding them come from? do you ever stop to think about it?

i like the fried egg by my name. my goal is to never have anything else there, just that fried egg.

oh yeah, aderack -- i think you're being too optimistic about goku makaimura, just as you're being too pessimistic about gears of war in your OFFICIAL COLUMN on Next Gen! at least i'm not getting PAID to be mean about a videogame. and hell, i even WORK for sony!! if kutaragi got ahold of my complaints about the PSP being too oily-feeling and slippery, who KNOWS what would happen?

also, aderack, i thought you were the one who hated the PSP unconditionally, a while back? i remember terse replies to threads on that other forum, terse replies that insinuated you'd rather play a game gear.

the world is changing!! the wind is blowing! hold onto your prejudices! don't let them get away, because if they do, they'll come back different!!





gorgeous
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"Re(6):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 15:31post reply

quote:
every time ANYONE on this board has ever said ANYTHING about me, i have seen it.
Let it be known that I think you're a fucking moron, then.



let it be known that i don't know WHO YOU ARE!!

so i win!!





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"Re(6):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 15:32:post reply

quote:
every time ANYONE on this board has ever said ANYTHING about me, i have seen it.
Let it be known that I think you're a fucking moron, then.


awaiting 10-page rebuttal

oh shit. lightning-fast replies! we got a pro here





[this message was edited by Juke Joint Jezebel on Fri 23 Sep 15:35]

gorgeous
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"Re(7):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 15:34post reply

quote:
every time ANYONE on this board has ever said ANYTHING about me, i have seen it.
Let it be known that I think you're a fucking moron, then.

awaiting 10-page rebuttal



YOU'RE the one with 3,461 posts on an internet forum about videogames!!





Juke Joint Jezebel
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"Re(8):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 15:43post reply

quote:
every time ANYONE on this board has ever said ANYTHING about me, i have seen it.
Let it be known that I think you're a fucking moron, then.

awaiting 10-page rebuttal


YOU'RE the one with 3,461 posts on an internet forum about videogames!!


except i registered roughly four years ago

let's assess your situation:
- 5 posts in less than 30 minutes
- in a thr ...

oh wait. i just remembered i don't care! wow, that saved me a lot of time





ONSLAUGHT
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"Re(7):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 15:50post reply

quote:

let it be known that i don't know WHO YOU ARE!!

so i win!!


Oh my god! a popularity contest, OVER THE INTERNET! This is new to me, and I have to record it for future generations!

Who will emerge with the biggest E-Cock? We'll find out very soon!





gorgeous
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"Re(9):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 16:09post reply

quote:
every time ANYONE on this board has ever said ANYTHING about me, i have seen it.
Let it be known that I think you're a fucking moron, then.

awaiting 10-page rebuttal


YOU'RE the one with 3,461 posts on an internet forum about videogames!!

except i registered roughly four years ago


so you've been reading this forum daily for four years?

oh my god you're so hip.

(by the way, i'm just fucking with you.)

i'm leaving now! i'll be back in a few hours. don't make me cry!!





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"Re(8):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 16:10post reply

quote:

E-Cock



You know, I found your Iggy "essay" poignant and felicitous, but these Tim and Brandon ones are just confounding and nugatory. Maybe I just don't get it.





aderack
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"Re(9):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 16:44:post reply

Yeah, I'm still not very fond of the system itself. There are a couple of interesting games on it now, though. So. Nose, face, spite. Even if I hate to touch the thing or look at it, that's not really the fault of the games.

Really, there's nothing to complain about within that demo. The most I've heard is that it's unfairly difficult just for the sake of being hard (which it ain't, by a long stretch); that the controls are screwed-up (which they aren't, unless you're talking about that slight delay with the lance -- to the contrary, they're the most responsive in the series); and that the game's a "joke", which is a little unclear.

I mean. The enemies are imaginative. The level design is really good. The animation is great. The boss to at least that one level is really well-done. You respawn immediately when you die. There's a neat variety of weapons. Arthur controls very well, to the extent that I always knew it was my stupid fault when I got hit or died. The music's good. The backgrounds and atmosphere are creepy like what the earlier games only aspired toward. The game is unrelenting, though not unfairly so. All in all, it plays like how I always wished the earlier games did. Or like how I would have, if I'd thought about it more deeply.

And yet, for that matter, I don't see it simply catering to anyone. It's pretty much doing its own thing -- it's just that it has a better idea of what its thing is now than it did a decade ago.

Contrarily, there's plenty I could point at in Gears of War that annoys me and practically begs for me to dismiss the game. Most of all, that it's not really doing its own thing. Though I admit most of what I'm picking up is from a distance. Perhaps if I were to play it in depth I'd no longer think it was one of the most retarded things I've seen lately. For the moment, I'll just trust Cliffy B. to give me the impression he wants to give me. That impression is that he graduated from the Wachowski school of design.

I'm sure he'll do very well with that, until he's allowed to shoot himself in the foot and undo all the sham he's built up. Even then, at the rate the game industry's going now, I don't think anyone would really notice. To the contrary, this is just the kind of realm where you can coast along with snake oil for years and get away with it as long as you keep your Finger on the Pulse of the Gaming Generation.

Doesn't mean I need to acknowledge his sludge.

Frankly I feel insulted by things like this. Maybe I shouldn't. That's kind of beside the issue that I am, though. I feel insulted for the same reason that Brandon screams at TV ads.

...

So. If you notice, I am being "less pessimistic" in my paid material.





[this message was edited by aderack on Fri 23 Sep 17:17]

Gojira
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"Re(10):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 19:04post reply

Jesus, it's like sarcasm was invented just for this thread.





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"Re(5):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 20:07post reply

quote:
it certainly was, however, a frenchard who wrote in frenchy english and likened me to hitler for being so disgustingly heterosexual in my review of mario golf or -- hell, i don't even remember what game it was.

"Mario Golf" !?
"disgusingly heterosexual" !?!!!?????
Comparing to Hitler and not to Ru Paul ?
How could anyone think that was me ?

quote:
i'm flame-baiting here, now; i'm just begging for you all to come back with a snappy reply about how i even write too much in a simple post like this.

Don't worry, I'm sure you didn't mean to.

quote:
i have seen it. does that make you feel good about yourself . . . IGGY?!!?


Not really.
The thought I've spent the night with three gorgeous bisexual girls and what it makes me in the eyes of my straight male friends, on the other hand, makes me feel quite good about myself, thank you for asking.

Also, I put spaces wherever I want ; and my current third reading of Shalimar the Clown makes me very critical to anything written in english with the ambition of being well written.





ねんがんの 7000をてにいれたぞ!
  そう かんけいないね
=> 殺してでもうばいとる
  ゆずってくれ たのむ!!

gorgeous
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"Re(6):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 21:26:post reply

quote:
it certainly was, however, a frenchard who wrote in frenchy english and likened me to hitler for being so disgustingly heterosexual in my review of mario golf or -- hell, i don't even remember what game it was.
"Mario Golf" !?
"disgusingly heterosexual" !?!!!?????
Comparing to Hitler and not to Ru Paul ?
How could anyone think that was me ?



i don't know! i don't know you very well, i guess! just that you hate me and you wrote that review of that gay doujin game on insertcredit, so if a frenchard tells me i'm evil for indicating i like women in an article about -- fuck, forget it!!

there's nothing wrong with rupaul, either.

that man has some nice legs.

and aderack: wow!





[this message was edited by gorgeous on Fri 23 Sep 21:28]

aderack
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"Re(7):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 22:24post reply

Yeah, I know. I don't know where that came from. Someplace with a lot of overflowing bile.





sabo10
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"Re(1):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 22:34post reply

I'm very sorry for making this thread. I really didn't want anyone's feelings to get hurt.

I love to read Insert Credit, and dream about maybe someday being able to play some of the fantastic, and exotic sounding games I see written about on there. The only time I have to read insert credit is after I get home from work. I have about 20 minutes before I have to go to the hospital to visit, and help take care of my grandmother.

It's just that, well, you see my modem is very old and slow, but it does try its best! I don't have very much time, and webpages can take a long time to load. I'd like to be able to at least read all of the summaries for the new stories every day, but when there is a very large block of text, and a picture of a goomba with a baseball bat, my old Rockwell 14.4 really starts to buckle, and I can't get everything to load before I have to bike on over to St. Helena's Intensive Care. I also can't leave the modem on to download while I'm out, because I have to pay by the minute, and I can't afford to do that.

I really didn't mean to offend Mr. Rogers. I do enjoy his writing from time to time, and tales of his escapades in the Orient never fail to bring a smile to my face. I hope that no one will take my humble request in the wrong way. Thank you.





gorgeous
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"Re(6):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 22:43post reply

quote:
Yeah, I know. I don't know where that came from. Someplace with a lot of overflowing bile.



That would be the liver!

You need to lay off the wine!!





gorgeous
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"Re(6):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 22:44post reply

quote:
a picture of a goomba with a baseball bat


you know you like it, though. i mean, come on, look at it. it's fucking brilliant.





Iggy
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"Re(7):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 23 Sep 23:45post reply

quote:
just that you hate me and you wrote that review of that gay doujin game on insertcredit

Well, at least you got that part of the picture right.

Also, thanks for pointing out that guy to me : I AM the irrascible gay french asshole looting on videogame related forums.
This is my identity.
If some cheap ass jerk tries to steal my gimmick, it's a matter of life or death I frame him and get over his evil copycat masterplans as soon as possible.





ねんがんの 7000をてにいれたぞ!
  そう かんけいないね
=> 殺してでもうばいとる
  ゆずってくれ たのむ!!

Olivier Hague
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"Re(7):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Sat 24 Sep 00:55post reply

quote:
so i win!!


Oh, you do win a very special contest, that's for sure.





exodus
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"Re(8):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Sat 24 Sep 01:40post reply

this is curious!

unfortunately, neither iggy nor tim actually hate each other, so I don't think this will last long.

Also - polly - onslaught is using an automatic 'complaint generator'. I think?

And I didn't play the new G&G...I was gonna, but forgot. I think you (tim) mentioned I should play it on thursday, but it was line-up time by then, and I forgot on friday.





ONSLAUGHT
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"Re(9):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Sat 24 Sep 01:58post reply

quote:

E-Cock
Maybe I just don't get it.


You're not postmodern enough to understand it.





gorgeous
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"Re(6):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Sat 24 Sep 16:10post reply

quote:
I AM the irrascible gay french asshole looting on videogame related forums.
This is my identity.
If some cheap ass jerk tries to steal my gimmick, it's a matter of life or death I frame him and get over his evil copycat masterplans as soon as possible.



have you played bumpy trot? i think you'd like it a lot.

the owner of the battle arena in the main city is a very, very gay french-looking man who won't cease saying あらー and あたし.

he runs a hell of a battle arena though.

i recommend the game not because of the gay frenchman; i recommend it because it is gorgeous.





Olivier Hague
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"Re(7):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Sat 24 Sep 20:05:post reply

Fun.

Oh, and this one's for you, Iggy. Perfect na nihongo!





[this message was edited by Olivier Hague on Sat 24 Sep 20:44]

Mosquiton
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"Dear Sabo," , posted Sun 25 Sep 01:52:post reply

quote:
I'm very sorry for making this thread... It's just that, well, you see my modem is very old and slow, but it does try its best... my old Rockwell 14.4 really starts to buckle, and I can't get everything to load before I have to bike on over to St. Helena's Intensive Care. I also can't leave the modem on to download while I'm out, because I have to pay by the minute, and I can't afford to do that.



I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. With any luck, your grandmother won't be around much longer and you can use your paltry inheritance (or sell the fiddling cat bookmarks she willed you, or whatever) to upgrade to a 28.8!



You might also be interested to know that Brandon lists a contact email on his web page! Good luck getting rid of all those words you don't like so much!

Hah. What a waste of thread! I just noticed what polar opposites Hague and Rogers are, though. Oh internet, you so crazy.





/ / /

[this message was edited by Mosquiton on Sun 25 Sep 01:53]

Iggy
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"Re(8):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Sun 25 Sep 04:40post reply

quote:
Oh, and this one's for you, Iggy.


Thanks, sweetheart.
Needless to say, your intuition about timing was right, as it always is.





ねんがんの 7000をてにいれたぞ!
  そう かんけいないね
=> 殺してでもうばいとる
  ゆずってくれ たのむ!!

Amakusa
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"Re(2):Dear Brandon..." , posted Sun 25 Sep 04:55post reply

quote:
I'm very sorry for making this thread. I really didn't want anyone's feelings to get hurt.



What are you apologizing for? Everyone's throwing the sarcasm shit around in this thread.





I found Kagami's sword in a junk yard.
I will rule the world and find that truly good cup of coffee.
"Dink-a-dink-a-dink-a-do."

Pollyanna
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"Re(8):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Sun 25 Sep 07:40post reply

quote:
Fun.

Oh, and this one's for you, Iggy. Perfect na nihongo!



That made me happy somehow.

Sometimes I want to post at IC, but I just don't understand their "culture." I'm not part of it...I'm not one of them.

But then again, our "culture" is like a mob of hungry, hateful cannibals. I don't like to think I'm a part of that, either.

I'm sorry. Hungry, hateful, GAY cannibals.





Iggy
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"Re(9):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Sun 25 Sep 07:52post reply

quote:
I'm sorry. Hungry, hateful, GAY cannibals.
I was about to frown with the most severe expression of disapproval I ever had since the disbanding of the Spice Girls.
Feeew, that was close.





ねんがんの 7000をてにいれたぞ!
  そう かんけいないね
=> 殺してでもうばいとる
  ゆずってくれ たのむ!!

ONSLAUGHT
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"Re(9):Re(10):Dear Brandon..." , posted Sun 25 Sep 07:57post reply

quote:

I'm sorry. Hungry, hateful, GAY cannibals.


Does that mean we get to have furious sex with our meals? wouldn't that count us as necrophiliacs as well? Think about it, screwing with your hot meal would be the only way of having warm postmorten sex.





ONSLAUGHT
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"Good Bye cruel world..." , posted Fri 30 Sep 03:43post reply

So yeah,I saw that Insertcredit thread about that Tim guy bitching and basically saying "mommy, why am I so hated? The world doesn't understand me, waaaa".
I didn't know who he was before this, I just heard stories about some shithead that loved to write like 10 paragraphs of his personal life when reviewing pacman and saying "Oh yes, this game is a postmodern attempt at a videogame" or something inane like that.
I've never read anything he's done (aside from that stupid Viewtiful Joe review, which I'm not so sure he wrote, and I don't want to check either). But now that I've seen him in action, I think he deserves all the hate he receives. Somebody told me he has a fanbase, maybe that's part of his problem...





aderack
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"Re(1):Good Bye cruel world..." , posted Fri 30 Sep 05:30post reply

That still doesn't explain what <i>your</i> problem is.





ONSLAUGHT
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"Re(2):Good Bye cruel world..." , posted Fri 30 Sep 05:38post reply

quote:
That still doesn't explain what <i>your</i> problem is.


<i>My</i> problem? I don't have any problem. Care to explain a little bit more on this subject please?





exodus
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"Re(3):Good Bye cruel world..." , posted Fri 30 Sep 06:08:post reply

I'm not sure where this has come from - quite a few people seem to think that either tim or I wrote a viewtiful joe review that was somehow distasteful - when neither of us have reviewed the game at all!

And anyway, why dislike tim if you don't even know him or his writing? I can't tell you what to do though.





[this message was edited by exodus on Fri 30 Sep 06:10]

ONSLAUGHT
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"Re(4):Good Bye cruel world..." , posted Fri 30 Sep 06:33:post reply

quote:
I'm not sure where this has come from - quite a few people seem to think that either tim or I wrote a viewtiful joe review that was somehow distasteful - when neither of us have reviewed the game at all!

And anyway, why dislike tim if you don't even know him or his writing? I can't tell you what to do though.


As I said, I don't know who wrote that infamous Viewtiful Joe review, but it was definitly on Insert Credit, that I can assure.
And it's not that I disliked him, I've just been hearing stories about his writing from several people, and even though they were amusing, I never took the effort of finding out who this guy was, until now...
You see, trolling a forum you've never been at is not going to help a decaying reputation. You could say he was defending himself, but come on, registering on a forum just to say "Let it be known that I don't know who you are, so I win", came out as pompous and not well grounded in reality. Does he think he's some kind of well known internet superstar or something? I found that comment to be pathetic and hilarious at the same time.
I saw some guy mentioning me on your forum (in the aforementioned IC thread), but I'm not going to register just to bash him or something like that, in fact, even though I don't like IC at all, you're never going to see me in your forums trolling. I might troll here, but that's because I'm a regular.
Anyway, my point is, drama bombs can be funny, but not when they're carried into other forums. Let's keep our shit where it belongs.

By the way, you're not postmodern enough.





[this message was edited by ONSLAUGHT on Fri 30 Sep 06:35]

Iggy
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"Re(5):Good Bye cruel world..." , posted Fri 30 Sep 06:46post reply

You must defeat postmodernism to stand a chance !





ねんがんの 7000をてにいれたぞ!
  そう かんけいないね
=> 殺してでもうばいとる
  ゆずってくれ たのむ!!

Zepy
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"Re(6):Good Bye cruel world..." , posted Fri 30 Sep 06:56post reply

let it be known I don't know what postmodernism is!

So I win!





Abster
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"Re(1):Dear Brandon..." , posted Fri 30 Sep 06:57post reply

Funny there was no mention about me being the king of anger yet...

But I just register here so I can banter about different subjects, like everyone else. I just only pay attention to certain ones.






For those who want blood in SS Tenka use this template.

ONSLAUGHT
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"Re(7):Good Bye cruel world..." , posted Fri 30 Sep 07:04post reply

quote:
let it be known I don't know what postmodernism is!

So I win!


This guy might know a thing or two about postmodernism:
http://www.insertcredit.com/reviews/viewtiful/index.html





Iggy
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"Re(8):Good Bye cruel world..." , posted Fri 30 Sep 17:41post reply

I lost ? Postmodernistable me ?





ねんがんの 7000をてにいれたぞ!
  そう かんけいないね
=> 殺してでもうばいとる
  ゆずってくれ たのむ!!

exodus
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"Re(5):Good Bye cruel world..." , posted Sat 1 Oct 02:04post reply

quote:

By the way, you're not postmodern enough.



you cannot beat me with a paramecium alone!

well, for tim, I guess everyone has their moments of weakness and whatnot.

I like insert credit, and i also like these boards. I can do both! I think!





Rid
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"Re(6):Good Bye cruel world..." , posted Sat 1 Oct 04:21post reply

I think that insertcredit is more about postmodernism fetishism than about postmodernism itself.





Juan
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"Dear Randon..." , posted Sat 1 Oct 08:38post reply

Dear Brandon,

There are no penguins in the insertcredit front page.

Love, Juan