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| Dr Baghead 3315th Post
 
Platinum Carpet V.I.P- Board Master
    
    
    
     
     
|  "Re(2):Anderson wants to make another Resident" , posted Thu 30 Dec 09:40
I don't have anything to say about Resident Evil movies... all I want to know is, why does Paul W.S. Anderson keep getting work?
Seriously, if he was a doctor and fucked up as much as he does as a director, he'd not only have lost his license but he'd be more likely then not be in jail.
It still boogles my mind he fucked up Alien Vs Predator... if you can't make a movie as simple as "have monsters fight" you don't deserve to work in film
quote:
I still have no idea how they are going to make a Metroid Movie when the game is all about Samus Aran running around an Alien Base by herself. I know, give her a team and make the Aliens speak English, whoopee!
Maybe they could loosely base a movie around Fusion's idea. Just make up some BS where her helmet has a two way radio in it, and have a team from some organization funding her hunt orbiting the planet. That way Samus can run around a planet by herself doing Samusy things, but when they need to advance the plot/just give some human interaction they can talk to her through the radio...
Of course you're probably right, she would probably get stuck on a team since that's easier. I team consisting of:
Asshole Male Commander: A "very by the books fellow" which is a movie term for 'complete and utter asshole with no redeeming qualities' if he's played by an older gentlemen, he's Samus' father figure who it turns out works for whoever is cloning the Metroids will betray everyone, most likely becoming the avatar for the 'mother brain computer network' so he and Samus have to face off, if he is this archtype Samus would be a weak and pathedic younger solider for most of the movie until the entire team is killed off so she has to fight for herself. If he's a younger chap, Samus will fall madly in love with him despite his being a totally unlikeable asshole, he'd probably delieve the death blow to Mother Brain to save Samus, if he is this archtype Samus would be just as much an unlikeable asshole as him, this because the only way Hollywood knows how to make a 'tough' lady is to make her a bitch, the fact they're both completely unlikeable means their love is unfathomable from both sides.... either way he'd likely be named "Adam" as a pathedic easter egg in hopes to make fans think this is really a cannon movie since Samus has a commander named Adam, just like they said in Fusion!!
Sassy 'Badass' Girl: This character is always played by a tanned-skin actress, doesn't matter if she's latin, asian, or a brunette cauasian with a tan you never see a fair or dark skinned actress playing the Sassy Badass. Always in a snarky mood for some reason and despite she and Samus being the only females on the entire crew they don't really talk to each other or interact at all for that matter. Despite being protrayed as a strong 'I-look-out-for-ME' person the whole movie, she'll die in the last half-hour in the dumbest way possible like slipping in Brimstar and falling into the lava river or accidently getting shot by a team mate with a Super Missile.
Token Black Guy: would say "Whack" and "Dawg" a lot... will likely die the second dumbest death after Sassy Badass Girl, like screaming "YO DAWGS!!! I AIN'T SCARRIED OF NO MOTHAFUCKIN' SPACE BARNEY! IF THAT WHACK-ASS SPACE PIRATE WANTS TO THROW DOWN I SAW BRING IT ON, BITCH!!!" before being speared by Ridley's tail, although very rarely he'll survive to the end along with the hero a la Keith David in 'the Thing' or LL Cool J in 'Deep Blue Sea'just so the direct can fell good about breaking the stereotype "the Black Guy dies first" rule. (although to be fair, in both of those movies a black guy does die rather early on making that logic a moot point)
Nerdy 'Information' Guy: His only role is to explain things like "WOW! These hyroglyphs are Egyptian in nature... this race could have traveled to Earth and taught our ancient cultures everything!" or "Samus, the orb in this statues hand has the same markings as your suit... touch it and see what happens!" when the movie is done with the set up he'll either die OR be wounded so as an unimportant trooper can drag him back to the ship as he's pointless from then on.
Expendible Person: Not seen in every movie, but occationally one of the first characters offed will be a cook or a repairman who is given a little bit of character so you feel bad when he's killed. Is normally an ethnic fellow.
Robot and/or Space Alien: and finally to make sure your audience knows you're in the future you'd need either a robot (who looks like a human, but just acts ackwardly and has mechano-noise sound effects when they movie) or an alien (who looks human except for some cheap and easy make-up effect to make them look different)... if the character is an alien, they'll die the same death a human would... if they're a robot they'll survive to the end and probably do something endearing to save the crew, if they're destoryed doing so they'll be rebulit.
end rambling
yeah it's not funny
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in the darkest night..."
