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| Rolling Start
171th Post
 
Regular Customer
   
|  "...playing poker"
, posted Fri 27 Aug 03:52
From www.captain-obvious.com , who took it from someplace else.
Poker With Dick Cheney
Transcript of The Editors' regular Saturday-night poker game with Dick Cheney, 6/19/04. Start tape at 12:32 AM.
The Editors: We'll take three cards.
Dick Cheney: Give me one.
Sounds of cards being placed down, dealt, retrieved, and rearranged in hand. Non-commital noises, puffing of cigars.
TE: Fifty bucks.
DC: I'm in. Show 'em.
TE: Two pair, sevens and fives.
DC: Not good enough.
TE: What do you have?
DC: Better than that, that's for sure. Pay up.
TE: Can you show us your cards?
DC: Sure. One of them's a six.
TE: You need to show all your cards. That's the way the game is played.
Colin Powell: Ladies and gentlemen. We have accumulated overwhelming evidence that Mr. Cheney's poker hand is far, far better than two pair. Note this satellite photo, taken three minutes ago when The Editors went to get more chips. In it we clearly see the back sides of five playing cards, arranged in a poker hand. Defector reports have assured us that Mr. Cheney's hand was already well advanced at this stage. Later, Mr. Cheney drew only one card. Why only one card? Would a man without a strong hand choose only one card? We are absolutely convinced that Mr. Cheney has at least a full house.
Tim Russert: Wow. Colin Powell really hit a homerun for the Administration right there. A very powerful performance. My dad played a lot of poker in World War 2, and he taught me many things about life. Read my book.
TE: He's extremely good at Power Point. But we would like to see the cards, or else we can't really be sure he has anything to beat two pair. We don't think he would lie to us, but ... well, it is a very rich pot.
Jonah Goldberg: Liberal critics of Mr. Cheney's poker hand contend that "he doesn't have anything". Oh, really, liberal critics? Cheney has already showed them the six of clubs, and yet these liberals persist in saying he has "nothing". Why do liberals consider the six of clubs to be "nothing"? Is it because the six of clubs is black?
Matt Drudge: ****DRUDGE REPORT EXCLUSIVE****
*****MUST CREDIT THE DRUDGE REPORT*****
The Drudge Report has learned that Dick Cheney has a royal flush, hearts. Developing ...
TE: Perhaps if you could just show us a subset of your cards which beat 2 pair? Or tell us exactly what your hand is?
DC: We will show you our cards after we have collected the pot. It is important that things be done in this order, otherwise the foundation of our entire poker game will be destroyed.
TE: We aren't sure ...
DC: Very good. And here are my cards. A straight flush.
Judith Miller: Dick Cheney has revealed a straight flush, confirming his pre-collection claims about beating two pair.
TE: Those cards are of different suits. It's not a flush.
Mark Steyn: When will it end? Now liberal critics complain that Dick Cheney's cards are not all the same suit. Naturally, these are the same liberals who are always whining about a lack of diversity in higher education. It seems like segregation is OK with these liberals, as long as it damages Republicans.
MD: ****DRUDGE REPORT EXCLUSIVE****
*****MUST CREDIT THE DRUDGE REPORT*****
A witness has come forward claiming that The Editors engage in racial profiling in blog-linking. Developing ...
TE: Wait! It's not even a straight! You've got a eight and ten of hearts, a six of clubs, and the seven and five of diamonds. You have a ten high. That's nothing.
Sean Hannity: Well, well, well. In another sign of liberal desperation, liberals now complain that a ten high is "nothing". Does ten equal zero in liberal mathematics? That would explain a lot.
Robert Novak: It's a perfectly valid poker hand. Apparently, liberals have never heard of a "skip straight". It's a kind of straight, just with one card missing. But if you skip around the missing nine, it's a straight.
Alan Colmes: Mother says I mustn't play poker.
TE: There is no such thing as a "skip straight".
Brit Hume: It seems like some people are still playing poker like it's September 10th. Back then, you needed to have all your cards in order to claim a straight. But, as we learned on that day, sometimes you won't have perfect knowledge. Sometimes you have to learn to connect the dots, and see the patterns which are not visible to superficial analysis of the type favored by the CIA and the State Department. Dick Cheney's skip straight is a winning poker hand for the post-9/11 world.
Rush Limbaugh: Do The Editors have two pairs, or a pair of twos? First they say one thing, then another. What are they hiding?
Andrew Sullivan: Dick Cheney never said he had a straight. He was very careful about this. His cards can form many different hands. None of these hands alone can beat a pair of twos; but, taken together, the combination of all possible hands presents a more compelling case for taking the pot than simply screaming "Pair of twos! Pair of twos!" as unprincipled liberal critics of the Vice President so often do.
MD: ****DRUDGE REPORT EXCLUSIVE****
*****MUST CREDIT THE DRUDGE REPORT*****
Did The Editors claim to have "a pair of Jews"? Are they anti-Semites as well as racists? Developing ...
Zell Miller: As a lifelong liberal Democrat, I believe Dick Cheney, and I hate liberals and Democrats.
William Safire: Why are liberals so obsessed by Dick Cheney's poker hand? The pot has been taken, the deal is done. If liberals are upset that we are no longer playing by the Marquis of Queensbury patty-cake poker rules, they clearly lack the stomach to play poker in the post-September 11th environment. And why do they never complain about Saddam Hussein's poker playing, which was a thousand times worse?
Christopher Hitchens: The Left won't be happy until the pot is divided up equally between Yassar Arafat, Osama bin Laden, and Hitler. Orwell would have seen this.
Ann Coulter: Why do liberals object so strenuously to the idea of conservatives having a "straight"? Perhaps because it doesn't fit in with the radical homosexual/Islamist agenda they hold so dear?
Report of the Bipartisan Commission on Poker Hands: There is no such thing as a "skip straight".
DC: I have access to poker rules that the Commission doesn't, and so I know for a fact that the cards in my hand are all intimately connected.
George W. Bush: Dick Cheney is telling the truth. I'm a nice man who would drink a beer with you.
Vladimir Putin: I dealt Dick Cheney three aces and two kings.
DC: My deal.
C'MON SUCKA!
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| Krzyzewski Man 849th Post
Red Carpet Regular Member+
   
    
| "Re(4):..." , posted Fri 27 Aug 06:33
IT'S STARTED! YOU CAN'T STOP IT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
quote:
a visual summary of our last political thread: Link Here
What a coinkydink! I just got seven of them thangs!
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Nice Guns 'N' Roses reference!
*opens up another can of worms*
Uh, no, I definitely was doing the Cool Hand Luke thing. I've cooled on GNR after I heard about the "niggers and faggots" song.
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Yeah let's get back to how it was pre-Bush so we can resume terror bombing civilian targets peacefully.
Link Here
We're... not bombing civilian targets? (see Afghanistan wedding) Although I do like the whole "destroy native government and leave the country's people with a soon-to-be-in-the-midst-of-a-vicious-civil-war interim government" thing. (see Afghanistan in general)
quote:
Poker game thing
Gizzenius Genius. Hits everything.
... Aaaanyway...
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Thanks for the article, interesting read. I would definitely NOT like to be american and have to vote.
(remembers what happened in our last election for president in France)
Yeah, at least we don't have any Neo-Nazis. Well, now that David Duke's out of the picture, anyway. The weird thing is, neoconservatives are almost all Jews! It's creepy! It's like I'm being made to be a Nazi! Damn you, Paul Wolfowicz, for not being a good liberal like your tribesman Al Franken!
And lastly,
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Iggy's makeshift doll sure encapsulates the essence of Womankind. Except, the rectum seems to be missing...
It's always about rectums with you, isn't it?
The resident lapsed Catholic progressive absurdist.
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| Radish 2743th Post
Platinum Carpet V.I.P- Board Master
    
    
| "Re(1):failure to cite proper source of quote" , posted Fri 27 Aug 07:36
quote:
...
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WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS A FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE
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Nice Guns 'N' Roses reference!
While Guns 'N' Roses may have borrowed it, this line comes from the movie Cool Hand Luke.
See it, it's a pretty good movie.
Also, Radish... that link is seriously weak... one event from an organization that's made up of like over a dozen nations... yeah, I see how Bush put a stop to that shit...
What are you talking about? How is Bush related to the link I posted? I only mentioned "Pre-Bush" as a timeline since it seems some people think he invented the concept of war. During pretty much every President's term we've been involved in killing people in some other country and I brought up the Kosovo crisis because it was the most recent (and not UN sanctioned). Bush hasn't done dick in that situation either so I don't give him a free pass; we pretty much reversed the situation in terms of who was winning the civil war at the time and then left them to their own devises. NPR had a good piece about how the Serbs are pretty much being treated how the Albanians were when we started the war and how we're now ignoring it for whatever reason while Milosevic still hasn't been convicted of anything and will likely escape punishment (GG Bush/Clinton).
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Radish, put your ideological views aside and ask yourself, are we better off now then when Clinton was in office?
For me personally I notice no real difference other than the much larger military excursion and lack of phoney eBusiness economy (those are generally the biggest national issues). However if you feel that Bush isn't good for the country then you should vote against him and there are plenty of reasons to do so (shit envirnmental record, pre war intelligence failure and poorly planned post war strategy, opinions of gay marrigage, etc). I don't see why you think I support Bush though. All I posted was a condemnation of something we did directly before his term.
In regards to the article, it may surprise you but I agree with K. man and I don't like Cheney either. I think he's a drag on the ticket (so maybe people who don't like Bush at all should be happy) and totally shady. I don't think he manufactured the war to create profits or whatever nonsense some people say, but he still just seems like a creepy guy and I get a bad vibe.
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