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| Gojira 1185th Post
 
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|  "How not to write a review (and FFX2 demo imp)"
, posted Sat 8 Nov 23:09
Yo, minnasan. I'm in a good mood today and I saw something that made my writer's blood boil so this is probably going to be a long post.
I picked up an OPM today. Now, I don't need to tell you that a good 90% of OPM is crap (I only bought it to play the English FFX-2 demo and videos - more on that later). However, after reading the reviews, one in particular struck me as being a very dead-on example of how to write a weak review that has no point or purpose and just makes you look bad.
Here it is, in complete form:
quote:
Bloody Roar 4
Review by John Davison
I honestly can't think of any reason why you'd want to buy Bloody Roar 4, except perhaps that you have some bizarre desire to see a man morph into a six-foot mole and physically abuse a giant chameleon (actually that does sound kinda cool). Given the strides made in fighting-game design over the past couple of years, BR4 is stuck in the dark ages. Its arenas are cramped, flat, and bland, and its gameplay structure is dated, boring, and laughable. It pretends to be imaginative (there's a "swinging" arena), but it always falls back on safe, boring ideas.
While Mortal Kombat, Virtua Fighter, and Soul Calibur force fighting gamers to really think about their strategy and also provide more-than-adequate gameplay incentives, BR4 lets you mash the buttons to win, with no more satisfaction than seeing which stupid-looking opponent you'll face next. There's a halfhearted attempt at jazzing things up with a "Career mode" that lets you tweak abilities, but it's not on par with its contemporaries.
Character design in Bloody Roar has always been ridiculous, but BR4's raise some unique questions. Why would I want to be a fighter who turns into a bunny, when I have the choice to be one that turns into a demon covered in spikes? If the hook is that you turn into a creature, why does one of the girls do no more than change into a different outfit?
There's little to redeem BR4. Just buy Soul Calibur 2 instead.
Score: 1/5
Setting aside the fact that I know nothing about BR4 and that it may very well be a piece of crap, there are so many things here that don't work it just proves that any gamer schmuck with a computer and spellcheck can write for a magazine.
Granted, there is so little space to write these it gets to the point where the only things left are opinions, while rationale is left to the imagination. However, there's no excuse for eliminating every given premise.
"Its gameplay structure is dated, boring, and laughable."
To this he offers no example of why it's dated, why it's boring, or why it's laughable. You don't make bold statements like these without giving at least one example.
"It pretends to be imaginative..."
Oh, now here's a gem of a quote. I don't care how much you understand the English language; you just don't say things like that. Something is either imaginative or it's not, there's no such thing as "pretending" to be imaginative. Moreover, once again the lack of even the smallest example hurts credibility.
"BR4 lets you mash the buttons to win..."
Here we have the standard weak response to a fighting game someone knows nothing about. He picks it up, he mashes buttons, he writes a review about how he mashed buttons. Nobody wants to hear someone rely on platonic gestures to formulate an opinion. That would be like saying "I kicked my PS2 and the music skipped. Ergo, the music in this game is crap." Now maybe this guy didn't do that; maybe he really did sit down and try to learn how to play it properly and came to that conclusion, but it's not clear from his response at all. It seems more likely he didn't from his dismissive tone.
"Why would I want to be a fighter who turns into a bunny, when I have the choice to be one that turns into a demon covered in spikes?"
To beat up the spiky demon with a bunny, of course! This statement is just taking up space, as it argues against the long-ago established notion of "variety". Obviously this guy wants a game with nothing but spiky demons.
He raises a total of 1 good points, if it is indeed true that one character doesn't transform at all and only changes clothes then that is against the whole nature of the only established uniqueness of the game - beast transformations. Still that alone doesn't make it a good review. He even starts the review by saying "actually that does sound kinda cool" to a concept that's found in the game, thereby weakening his entire review. To put the proverbial cherry on this shit sundae he offers up the boldest of low scores.
If any of you want to write reviews, do NOT do what this guy did. Even if your space is limited you can still rationalize and explain reasons instead of ranting about the concept.
Back to the US FFX2 though: I have to say so far I'm loving what's been done with the engine... that may as well be praise for the Japanese version though. The US translation is unusually cruddy, with Paine saying "it comes!" and motormouth Yuna lengthening "Stop!" to "YOUMUSTSTOP!" Individual performances of the voice actors are okay, but whenever they're together they still sound like they're talking to themselves, just like FFX.
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| Gojira 1186th Post
Red Carpet Premium Member+
| "Re(2):How not to write a review (and FFX2 dem" , posted Sun 9 Nov 13:52
quote:
I don't think that was the best review ever, but I also don't think that it was as horrible as you're saying.
I'm going to say that if BR4 is anything like the previous Bloody Roars (which I've heard other reviewers say it is), he's pretty much spot on. His lack of examples is probably due to a word restriction since PSM probably wanted more space to devote to higher profile games. Magazine's really can't be as wordy as internet sites can, so they have to cram what they want to say into a very inflexible space.
And I do agree with his "pretends to be imaginative" statement. BR pretends to be imaginative by having characters do stuff that's never been done in any other fighting series, but it ends up just being a gimmick for a subpar series they've rehashed 3 times. Not to derail into a NGE thread, but it's like how that show pretends to be deep, but in actuality it's just Anno bitching about how his fans suck and that he's depressed.
Forget about NGE because depth/philosophy and imagination are two different things. A mistake people assume is that you can pretend to do anything. You can't pretend to imagine, because pretending requires imagination. I can pretend to play the guitar but I have to first imagine myself playing the guitar. I can pretend to be deep but I first have to imagine what it is like to be deep. But I can't pretend to pretend, thereby pretending to imagine. It's impossible.
And space is still a poor excuse, especially when as much of it is wasted as it is in this review.
Keep in mind when I say it's a bad review, I'm not saying I disagree with his opinion of the game. I'm just saying it is a poorly constructed review.
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| Gen 2162th Post
Platinum Carpet V.I.P- Board Master
    
  
| "Re(1):How not to write a review (and FFX2 dem" , posted Sun 9 Nov 15:12
quote:
Yo, minnasan. I'm in a good mood today and I saw something that made my writer's blood boil so this is probably going to be a long post.
I picked up an OPM today. Now, I don't need to tell you that a good 90% of OPM is crap (I only bought it to play the English FFX-2 demo and videos - more on that later). However, after reading the reviews, one in particular struck me as being a very dead-on example of how to write a weak review that has no point or purpose and just makes you look bad.
Here it is, in complete form:
Bloody Roar 4
Review by John Davison
I honestly can't think of any reason why you'd want to buy Bloody Roar 4, except perhaps that you have some bizarre desire to see a man morph into a six-foot mole and physically abuse a giant chameleon (actually that does sound kinda cool). Given the strides made in fighting-game design over the past couple of years, BR4 is stuck in the dark ages. Its arenas are cramped, flat, and bland, and its gameplay structure is dated, boring, and laughable. It pretends to be imaginative (there's a "swinging" arena), but it always falls back on safe, boring ideas.
While Mortal Kombat, Virtua Fighter, and Soul Calibur force fighting gamers to really think about their strategy and also provide more-than-adequate gameplay incentives, BR4 lets you mash the buttons to win, with no more satisfaction than seeing which stupid-looking opponent you'll face next. There's a halfhearted attempt at jazzing things up with a "Career mode" that lets you tweak abilities, but it's not on par with its contemporaries.
Character design in Bloody Roar has always been ridiculous, but BR4's raise some unique questions. Why would I want to be a fighter who turns into a bunny, when I have the choice to be one that turns into a demon covered in spikes? If the hook is that you turn into a creature, why does one of the girls do no more than change into a different outfit?
There's little to redeem BR4. Just buy Soul Calibur 2 instead.
Score: 1/5
Setting aside the fact that I know nothing about BR4 and that it may very well be a piece of crap, there are so many things here that don't work it just proves that any gamer schmuck with a computer and spellcheck can write for a magazine.
Granted, there is so little space to write these it gets to the point where the only things left are opinions, while rationale is left to the imagination. However, there's no excuse for eliminating every given premise.
"Its gameplay structure is dated, boring, and laughable."
To this he offers no example of why it's dated, why it's boring, or why it's laughable. You don't make bold statements like these without giving at least one example.
"It pretends to be imaginative..."
Oh, now here's a gem of a quote. I don't care how much you understand the English language; you just don't say things like that. Something is either imaginative or it's not, there's no such thing as "pretending" to be imaginative. Moreover, once again the lack of even the smallest example hurts credibility.
"BR4 lets you mash the buttons to win..."
Here we have the standard weak response to a fighting game someone knows nothing about. He picks it up, he mashes buttons, he writes a review about how he mashed buttons. Nobody wants to hear someone rely on platonic gestures to formulate an opinion. That would be like saying "I kicked my PS2 and the music skipped. Ergo, the music in this game is crap." Now maybe this guy didn't do that; maybe he really did sit down and try to learn how to play it properly and came to that conclusion, but it's not clear from his response at all. It seems more likely he didn't from his dismissive tone.
"Why would I want to be a fighter who turns into a bunny, when I have the choice to be one that turns into a demon covered in spikes?"
To beat up the spiky demon with a bunny, of course! This statement is just taking up space, as it argues against the long-ago established notion of "variety". Obviously this guy wants a game with nothing but spiky demons.
He raises a total of 1 good points, if it is indeed true that one character doesn't transform at all and only changes clothes then that is against the whole nature of the only established uniqueness of the game - beast transformations. Still that alone doesn't make it a good review. He even starts the review by saying "actually that does sound kinda cool" to a concept that's found in the game, thereby weakening his entire review. To put the proverbial cherry on this shit sundae he offers up the boldest of low scores.
If any of you want to write reviews, do NOT do what this guy did. Even if your space is limited you can still rationalize and explain reasons instead of ranting about the concept.
Back to the US FFX2 though: I have to say so far I'm loving what's been done with the engine... that may as well be praise for the Japanese version though. The US translation is unusually cruddy, with Paine saying "it comes!" and motormouth Yuna lengthening "Stop!" to "YOUMUSTSTOP!" Individual performances of the voice actors are okay, but whenever they're together they still sound like they're talking to themselves, just like FFX.
you're really pissed at his review. No offense, just chatting...
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