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Ammadeau
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"OT: My silly little webcomic" , posted Mon 18 Aug 22:14post reply


Since there's a number of artists on this board, and people with just good opinions, I was hoping some of you could give me a couple comments on this webcomic thing I've been working on recently:

Page 1
Page 2
Page 3

Actually based on a earlier comic I did (which was in turn based on a story I wrote). The art sucked though, but I still liked the story. Now the art sucks less, but I know there's still a lot of room for improvement, especially in drawing male characters.






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Gen
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"Re(1):OT: My silly little webcomic" , posted Mon 18 Aug 22:39:post reply


quote:
Since there's a number of artists on this board, and people with just good opinions, I was hoping some of you could give me a couple comments on this webcomic thing I've been working on recently:

Page 1
Page 2
Page 3

Actually based on a earlier comic I did (which was in turn based on a story I wrote). The art sucked though, but I still liked the story. Now the art sucks less, but I know there's still a lot of room for improvement, especially in drawing male characters.

Good. I wrote a story about a succubus like thing in Japan before. show us when you do more





[this message was edited by Gen on Mon 18 Aug 23:09]

Hungrywolf
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"Re(1):OT: My silly little webcomic" , posted Mon 18 Aug 22:42post reply


quote:
Since there's a number of artists on this board, and people with just good opinions, I was hoping some of you could give me a couple comments on this webcomic thing I've been working on recently:

Page 1
Page 2
Page 3

Actually based on a earlier comic I did (which was in turn based on a story I wrote). The art sucked though, but I still liked the story. Now the art sucks less, but I know there's still a lot of room for improvement, especially in drawing male characters.



I like it.






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Dr Baghead
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"Re(1):OT: My silly little webcomic" , posted Tue 19 Aug 01:47post reply


THAT WAS A STUPID COMIC! YOU'VE MADE ME STUPIDER FOR READING IT! YOU'RE A STUPID PERSON FOR WRITING! AND YOU'RE A STUPID STUPID PERSON FOR DRAWING IT!!!

That's what I would say if I was from Bizarro World! But since I'm not I will say instead: I liked it!

I'd like to learn more about it... would you mind sharing the full plot (or at least a synopsis of the overall story) of the comic or the comic/stories it's based on?

In turn I'll share with you the plot of one of the many comics I'm working of! See it's like Rurouni Kenshin if Kenshin was a female outlaw in a bad yuri-comic set in a steam punk version of the old west... oh, wait that's the whole plot -__-






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exodus
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"Re(1):OT: My silly little webcomic" , posted Tue 19 Aug 02:27post reply


I like it - I will comment more when it's not 2:30 am





Ammadeau
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"Re(2):OT: My silly little webcomic" , posted Tue 19 Aug 02:51post reply


quote:
In turn I'll share with you the plot of one of the many comics I'm working of! See it's like Rurouni Kenshin if Kenshin was a female outlaw in a bad yuri-comic set in a steam punk version of the old west... oh, wait that's the whole plot -__-


I like that plot. Steampunk... old west... lesbians... that's like two of my favorite things right there and I like old west too. :)

It's not like you'd need much more to get started. Just have your main character do something outlawish and I'm sure it'll evolve from there. I've found it's pretty hard to flesh an idea out until you actually start doing something with it, then it comes to you pretty easily.

The plot of Akumika is fairly simple. Obviously Kumiko doesn't kill Ken (would be a very short comic that way) but she makes him into her slave and will live on the human world for a year while she decides what to do with them. This is complicated by Ken's yuri friend Natsume and an angel Ayame who has a personal grudge against Kumiko for some reason. Somehow I managed to stretch it out to 38 chapters, though I'm cutting the less interesting bits for the comic version.





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"Re(3):OT: My silly little webcomic" , posted Tue 19 Aug 12:48post reply


quote:
I like that plot. Steampunk... old west... lesbians... that's like two of my favorite things right there and I like old west too. :)

It's not like you'd need much more to get started. Just have your main character do something outlawish and I'm sure it'll evolve from there. I've found it's pretty hard to flesh an idea out until you actually start doing something with it, then it comes to you pretty easily.


There is more to the plot then that, I just don't have a full frame working for the storyline yet. Basically Jessi James' (fake name, and it's horribleness is not unnoted) wealthy parents were robbed and murdered, so she becomes a murderous robber to regain her family fortune while her brother became a blacksmith, at some time later she returns to her hometown to have her brother repair her motorcycle (his character is pretty much Doc Brown from BttF3, only with the build of gigantic wreslter), she ends up saving the owner of the local tavern/inn/place-thing from another group of outlaws, this leads to what should have been a one night stand with the tavern keeper, but she isntead convinces JJ to give up crime and stay with her.
Just like in the samurai stories it's when you reform people come after you, so the what follows are several comics filled with ultra bloody gun fights with various bounty hunters and rival outlaws, which JJ's costume never survives yet is fully repaired by the next one (there's also some yuri-content, but no one wants to see that). It keeps going like that until the murderer of JJ's parent arrives, who is the last fight in the comic.

I didn't discribe it well so it probably sounds worse then it should, plus it's designed as a "alternate reality spin-off" to another comic I'm working on so a lot of the characters only make sense when plugged into the other comic's mold.

the real problem I'm having is thinking up interesting characters for her to fight... dialog's provides a problem too, since it too easily can slip into soft-core porn speak like "outlaw, yeah I'll say! Someone should outlaw an ass that sexy!" or head to the other end of the spectrum and be the over dramatic samurai-comic speak like "I know I can never be forgiven for the sins of my past! but that is the past! We must live for the future and always try to out run the demons that once haunted us or we are doomed to be consumed by them!"


quote:
The plot of Akumika is fairly simple. Obviously Kumiko doesn't kill Ken (would be a very short comic that way) but she makes him into her slave and will live on the human world for a year while she decides what to do with them. This is complicated by Ken's yuri friend Natsume and an angel Ayame who has a personal grudge against Kumiko for some reason. Somehow I managed to stretch it out to 38 chapters, though I'm cutting the less interesting bits for the comic version.



Sounds fun! When there's more up please tell me, I'd like to read the rest of the story.






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Ammadeau
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"Re(4):OT: My silly little webcomic" , posted Tue 19 Aug 22:20:post reply


quote:
There is more to the plot then that, I just don't have a full frame working for the storyline yet. Basically Jessi James' (fake name, and it's horribleness is not unnoted) wealthy parents were robbed and murdered, so she becomes a murderous robber to regain her family fortune while her

How about Jun James? Jun rythmes with gun, you keep the dynomite JJ nickname, and she can be the ancestor of Jesse James much like Lupin III.

If you want to add something relatively cheesy to the plot, you could have her searching for specific items that were stolen, family heirlooms or maybe some exotic coin collection to make it more than just simple robbing.

quote:
brother became a blacksmith, at some time later she returns to her hometown to have her brother repair her motorcycle (his character is pretty much Doc Brown from BttF3, only with the build of gigantic wreslter), she ends up saving the owner of the local tavern/inn/place-thing from another group of outlaws, this leads to what should have been a one night stand with the tavern keeper, but she isntead convinces JJ to give up crime and stay with her.


I had a similar idea, though my character won the tavern in a card game and turned it into a secret casino and the basis of her small criminal network. Probably wouldn't want to do the same thing, but you might want to do something fun with the tavern combined with JJ's ill gotten gains.

quote:
Just like in the samurai stories it's when you reform people come after you, so the what follows are several comics filled with ultra bloody gun fights with various bounty hunters and rival outlaws, which JJ's costume never survives yet is fully repaired by the next one (there's also some yuri-content, but no one wants to see that). It keeps going like that until the murderer of JJ's parent arrives, who is the last fight in the comic.

You can mix it up too. I mean, you have the whole steampunk setting to play with. You can have plots involving new advanced technology, hidden cities, and natives with magic powers if you wanted to. Sort of like Slayers has a main plot, but there's always a ton of subplots before you get there.

Don't forget JJ needs a female rival for the tavern keeper's affections. That's practically essential. :p

quote:
the real problem I'm having is thinking up interesting characters for her to fight... dialog's provides a problem too, since it too easily can slip into soft-core porn speak like "outlaw, yeah I'll say! Someone should outlaw an ass that sexy!" or head to the other end of the spectrum and be the over dramatic samurai-comic speak like "I know I can never be forgiven for the sins of my past! but that is the past! We must live for the future and always try to out run the demons that once haunted us or we are doomed to be consumed by them!"

Dialogue just comes naturally to me after reading and writing so much so I don't know if I can help much there. Just get a feel for the character and have them say things that seem to fit. I'd imagine JJ to be fairly gruff, almost to the point of a female Ash 'Come get some' and all that. :p

Characters to fight evolve from the setting I find. You can have an old soldier type out to bag his final bounty, a smooth talking swordsman who can deflect bullets with his blade, a petite french maid who is super strong, a ninja cowboy... pretty much whatever fits and seems a little unusual.

quote:
Sounds fun! When there's more up please tell me, I'd like to read the rest of the story.


http://www.ammadeau.net/skumiko.htm
That's the 38 chapters of the written version, though it still needs a good revision. There's a number of sub plots that went nowhere that I need to cut.





[this message was edited by Ammadeau on Tue 19 Aug 22:22]

Megane
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"Re(1):OT: My silly little webcomic" , posted Wed 20 Aug 03:29post reply


Nice. You're on to something.





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Rid Hershel
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"Re(1):OT: My silly little webcomic" , posted Wed 20 Aug 06:27post reply


quote:
Since there's a number of artists on this board, and people with just good opinions, I was hoping some of you could give me a couple comments on this webcomic thing I've been working on recently:

Page 1
Page 2
Page 3

Actually based on a earlier comic I did (which was in turn based on a story I wrote). The art sucked though, but I still liked the story. Now the art sucks less, but I know there's still a lot of room for improvement, especially in drawing male characters.

I've been checking your site for a while, I like it ^^





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"Re(2):OT: My silly little webcomic" , posted Wed 20 Aug 06:42:post reply


Ahhhh... Keep up working, it looks interesting... Hmmnnnn.... All those dreams and hopes, the strenght I see in here, in the authros; make me feel like an old man.

I tried to draw my own comic once, I even managed to direct an art course on the school; but all I got was tons of ideas and a huge script scattered all over my copy books; currently I'm assambling everything into "novel format"; and maybe when I'm finished I'll improve my drawing enought to make the comic.

To those who are curious enough I'll say that the "comic" deals mainly on two characters that are the authors of different novels; one author creates a serious kind of novel with thick plots and everything; the other author fools around and his characters DO know that they are "fake" and thus the behave strangely and make many crazy things... The plot thickens when the two authors decide to join forces; at one point one of the authors actually becomes a character of the other and -to the reader- he loses his own identity as a human being as he begins to interact with his owns characters. *it's the wacky author that becomes a character. for the record -.
The main issue is that you first get in touch with the characters and later you learn that they where a story created by someone.





[this message was edited by Toxico on Wed 20 Aug 06:59]

Ikari Loona
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"Re(1):OT: My silly little webcomic" , posted Wed 20 Aug 08:59post reply


I liked the drawing style - the outlines are really smooth and have an almost professional look to them. the facial expressions seem perhaps a little bit too simple given the twisted circumstances, but that's something that could improve with time, I guess...

Pet gripes:

- she reminds me way too much of Morrigan/Lillith (that's who I thought she was when I saw that avatar of yours...) - perhaps because of the wings on her head (a design option from Capcom I never realy understood...). Maybe it's a bit too late for that, but perhaps an unusual hairstyle would help to differentiate her more...

- her tail sticks out of her back in an unnatural way - odd, because tails are extensions of the spinal cord... but then again, that didn't stop Toriyama...

- "any soul will do"?... there are people living in ospital beds out there who wish euthanasia was legal... Maybe "any soul in a healthy body"?...

I'm curious to see how she changes her mind though...





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"Re(5):OT: My silly little webcomic" , posted Wed 20 Aug 10:23post reply


quote:
How about Jun James? Jun rythmes with gun, you keep the dynomite JJ nickname, and she can be the ancestor of Jesse James much like Lupin III.

If you want to add something relatively cheesy to the plot, you could have her searching for specific items that were stolen, family heirlooms or maybe some exotic coin collection to make it more than just simple robbing.

I had a similar idea, though my character won the tavern in a card game and turned it into a secret casino and the basis of her small criminal network. Probably wouldn't want to do the same thing, but you might want to do something fun with the tavern combined with JJ's ill gotten gains.


I won't be changing the origin or character's name, she's been around too long for me to be able to do that and not get confused.

http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/crimsoneyes/amaltheajess.jpg
http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/crimsoneyes/jessijames.jpg

See, she goes way back, all the way back to before I knew how to draw (I still don't but at least I don't know how to draw a little better now.) Also the second picture was a school project, yuri-comics make excellent fodder for art projects once censored.

quote:
You can mix it up too. I mean, you have the whole steampunk setting to play with. You can have plots involving new advanced technology, hidden cities, and natives with magic powers if you wanted to. Sort of like Slayers has a main plot, but there's always a ton of subplots before you get there.

Don't forget JJ needs a female rival for the tavern keeper's affections. That's practically essential. :p

Dialogue just comes naturally to me after reading and writing so much so I don't know if I can help much there. Just get a feel for the character and have them say things that seem to fit. I'd imagine JJ to be fairly gruff, almost to the point of a female Ash 'Come get some' and all that. :p

Characters to fight evolve from the setting I find. You can have an old soldier type out to bag his final bounty, a smooth talking swordsman who can deflect bullets with his blade, a petite french maid who is super strong, a ninja cowboy... pretty much whatever fits and seems a little unusual.


I liked some of these ideas though, I think I could find use for them... after I've changed them enough I don't need to pay you royalities of course ~_-

quote:
http://www.ammadeau.net/skumiko.htm
That's the 38 chapters of the written version, though it still needs a good revision. There's a number of sub plots that went nowhere that I need to cut.



keen, I'll be reading that later.






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Ammadeau
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"Re(2):OT: My silly little webcomic" , posted Thu 21 Aug 01:33:post reply


Page 4

Thanks to all the comments I got on this thread I was encouraged to finish the next page faster than I thought possible. :)

quote:
I liked the drawing style - the outlines are really smooth and have an almost professional look to them. the facial expressions seem perhaps a little bit too simple given the twisted circumstances, but that's something that could improve with time, I guess...

Expressions are something I really need to put more work into, though when I try new expressions they always come out terrible and I have to go back to what I know.

quote:
-reminds me way too much of Morrigan/Lillith (that's who I thought she was when I saw that avatar of yours...) - perhaps because of the wings on her head (a design option from Capcom I never realy understood...). Maybe it's a bit too late for that, but perhaps an unusual hairstyle would help to differentiate her more...

But her hair is different from Morrigan and Lilths -_-

I understand what you're talking about, though the problem is with the head wings mainly. I don't want to use horns to make that she's a demon so I'm kind of stuck with them.

quote:
- her tail sticks out of her back in an unnatural way - odd, because tails are extensions of the spinal cord... but then again, that didn't stop Toriyama...

I've never drawn tails before and really DB is my only example so it explains my mistake. I can picture what you meant though so I'll give it more effort in the future.

quote:
- "any soul will do"?... there are people living in ospital beds out there who wish euthanasia was legal... Maybe "any soul in a healthy body"?...

I don't go into it detail here, though I'll explain it later, but there's an approval process when choosing a soul. Kumiko basically had to present her choice to get approved and Ken was basically the only choice they said yes to. It's not something Kumiko would bother explaining to him.

quote:
I'm curious to see how she changes her mind though...


After the new page you may start to guess...

And Dr. Baghead's comments...

quote//www.angelfire.com/anime2/crimsoneyes/amaltheajess.jpg
http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/crimsoneyes/jessijames.jpg

I like the design and I already like the idea so get working already. If there's any way I can help just let me know.

quote:
I liked some of these ideas though, I think I could find use for them... after I've changed them enough I don't need to pay you royalities of course ~_-

They're ideas pulled from projects I seriously doubt I'll ever work on, but tend to use as fodder for better potential projects. I have too many ideas as it is so I don't mind you stealing a few. :p





[this message was edited by Ammadeau on Thu 21 Aug 01:38]

Shin ATproof
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"Re(2):OT: My silly little webcomic" , posted Thu 21 Aug 03:08post reply


Well it certainly caught my attention...I actually want to see more. The animation is a little stiff to me but other than that it definitely has potential...keep it up.